The Host Chapters 41 and 42

You know what makes me sad? Smeyer listened to Jack's Mannequin while she was writing this book. Let's make a list of all the things she's killed for me: Wyndham (from stealing from him so much), Animorphs (because this is a blatant ripoff, and NOT a good one), Jack's Mannequin (SHE CREATED THEIR MUSIC VIDEO ARGH), vampires (I used to love them. Now...I can't stand them...HELP ME), werewolves (just think of Billy and the werewolves from the Dresden Files. Billy...that other chick who I can't remember...breathe in....out...), and supernatural romance, Muse (I didn't like them very much in the first place but I SURE don't now!), aliens (and I LOVE science fiction) as well as science fiction in general. I'm sure I'll think of more later.

Chapter 41- Vanished

Perhaps Wanderer will vanish in this chapter. Is that plausible, do you think?

Anyway, Wanderer is still sitting in the...bathing room, maybe? And Ian has been sitting with her for three days and apparently he doesn't eat if she doesn't eat. I'm sorry, I wouldn't do that for anyone. Not even Mar.

The first day, I woke to find my head and shoulders cradled on his lap. SHIP TEASE.

I love how the doctor doesn't even have a name. There's ANOTHER thing she stole. The Syndicate from X-Files don't have names. There's Number Five, the Cigarette Smoking Man, the Well Manicured Man, as well as that other fat one whose name I can't remember.

Why would it bother him to murder a baby–slowly, slicing it apart piece by piece–if it had no human mouth to scream with? I'm getting a little squicked out, to be honest. And I read Phantoms. I love how Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse were all happy and fluffy little confections and then came Breaking Dawn and the infamous birthing soon (can I just say, I don't know why everyone was so pissed off about Breaking Dawn. I mean, it wasn't any worse than the other three) and now we have all this stuff about dismembered bodies. Is she making up for the fact that she can't kill off any of her characters EVEN IF HER LIFE DEPENDS ON IT by making other stuff as gross as possible?

Why should it pain me to have the solitude I craved? I wanted the monster back, and that was plainly wrong. I would never condone Smeyer thesaurus rape, but can we please get another synonym for monster? Please? She uses it 24 times in The Host. Also, I must have forgotten about this part, but when she sees all the bodies she's like, "MONSTERS!" It's SO CLICHE. Did she make a list of all the dialogue tropes ever and then go "Hell, let's just use them all!" and then dumped them in like chum for sharks?

Hey, here's Jeb! I can't remember the last time he showed up, but it's been awhile. I kind of missed him.

He was just a courteous monster. Isn't "Courteous Monster" an awesome band name for like, a death metal band? Someone get on that.

SQUICK SQUICK. Basically, they're talking about how when they try to take the Yeerks out, they tear up people's brains. THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE BIRTHING SCENE. Good thing I haven't eaten yet or I might throw up. And I watch SUPERNATURAL.

Jamie's got an infection and Wanderer freaks out.

“Wanda,” someone said. Heidi. “Wanda's here.” Has there always been a Heidi? I stopped keeping track.

“Jamie, baby, how are you?”
“Stupid,” he said, grinning. “Just plain stupid. Can you believe this?” He gestured to his leg.
“Of all the luck.” Time warp!

ZOMG. Is Jamie going to die? No, this is a Smeyer novel. But still...

He, too, had heard the sham in my excuse. "SHAM! SHAMITY SHAM SHAM!" "Are you quite finished?" "PERHAPS!"

And now for some reason Wanderer grabs Ian and takes him to a deserted hallway and tells him to kiss her. I'm sure this is another trope but I don't have a name for it. I think Wanderer wants to galvanize Melanie into action.

Chapter 42- Forced

So she's telling him to force himself on her. Nice. It's like Eclipse all over again.

I shoved my mouth against his, gripping his neck tighter with my arms when his first reaction
was to hold me away. Remembering how his mouth had moved with mine before, I tried to
mimic that movement now. His lips opened with mine, and I felt an odd thrill of triumph at my
success. I caught his lower lip between my teeth and heard a low, wild sound break from his
throat in surprise. PG-13! PG-13!

So I was right, she was trying to galvanize Melanie, but it turns out that she is gone. She's been gone since Wanderer freaked out about the dead bodies.

No. NO! Okay never mind.

“Okay, okay! Okay. Shh. So we have to find her?”
I nodded urgently.
He took another deep breath. “Then you need to… really be overwhelmed, don't you?”

I need to get my mind out of the gutter. I thought they were going to have sex but I think Ian's just going to find Pedobear.

And it's like Breaking Dawn, where Edward's like, "Hey Jacob, you can fuck Bella so she can have children. Do I sound like a pimp? It's just because I really love her." Except Ian is forcing Pedobear and Wanderer to kiss so that she can find Melanie again.

“I lost Melanie,” I whispered.
“Youlost her!”
I nodded miserably.
His voice was hard and angry. “How?”

Well it's hardly her fault, is it? I think Melanie's more to blame here.

One hand continued, as I knew it would, down my arm to my wrist, leaving a trail of fire
behind it. The other cupped beneath my jaw, as I knew it must, and pulled my face up. Shut UP about the frakking trails of fire! We've heard it a billion times before.

There was fire everywhere, becausehe was everywhere. His hands traced my skin, burning it.
His lips tasted every inch of my face. The rock wall slammed into my back, but there was no
pain. I couldn't feel anything besides the burning. I don't know if it's just me, but this sounds like rape. Also, isn't it kind of tacky to have Ian there watching? He's probably feeling emasculated right now. And Melanie came back, because you know that you have to rely on your man to save you every time you get in trouble.

Whoa. WHOA.

My hands fisted around the fabric of Jared's T-shirt, yanking it up. This was their idea; I didn't
tell them what to do. His hands burned on the skin of my back.
Jared?she whispered. She tried to orient herself, but the mind we shared was so disoriented.
I felt the muscles of his stomach under my palms, my hands crushed between us.
What? Where…Melanie struggled.
I broke away from his mouth to breathe, and his lips scorched their way down my throat. I
buried my face in his hair, inhaling the scent.

I think we're in 14A territory here guys. Seriously. This is such a far cry from Twilight with its plethora of epic fade to blacks (fades to black? I don't know) Also, is Ian still watching? Because that's weird and voyeuristic.

And Melanie's getting mad. Why? I don't get why she gets angry every time Pedobear kisses her.

What the hell, Wanda?she screeched at me. ZOMG MORE SWEARING! There shall be no 'holy crows', no 'dangs' in this book. Smeyer's stepping 'er up a notch. Btw, where's Ian? Did he leave or has he been watching this whole time?

Jared's lips came down on mine, hard. My eyes flew open in shock. His gold-flecked eyes were
open, too, half an inch away. Of COURSE he has gold flecked eyes. Perhaps they are the colour of topaz?

Okay so Ian left sometime during this hardcore makeout session.

“I'm warning you, Mel,” Jared said, still smiling widely. Teasing. “You better stay right here.
I'm not making any guarantees about what I will or won't do to get you back.” Gross. Also, before wasn't he the one that was all, "If you kiss Wanderer, that's my woman you're touching! Stay away from her because you're not just kissing Wanderer" and all that and now he's the one that's going to go sex up Melanie, not even caring that Wanderer is there too? Way to be a hypocrite.

He didn't answer, and my chest throbbed with pain. How joyful he would be if Icould figure
out how to erase myself! ARGH. This sounds EXACTLY like the misguided thoughts of a girl in the throes of an abusive relationship.

I was glad that we were back to our room now. I needed to think about something else before I started crying. Now wasn't the time for self-pity. There were more important issues at hand than my heart, breaking yet again.

Now is ALWAYS the time for self pity, with you. Also, SHUT UP about your literal breaking heart. No one cares.