The Host Chapter 25

It's...PEDOBEAR!!

Chapter 25- Compelled

Perhaps Wanderer will be compelled to do something. But I'm probably just reaching here.

I could not earn a place, I knew that, but I tried to make my presence as light a burden as possible. AHHHHH. Wanderer. THEY are keeping YOU prisoner. It is NOT your responsibility to make THEIR burden lighter. If they WANTED their burden lighter, they would KILL YOU. WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME USE THE CAPS LOCK SO MUCH????? I can't even DESCRIBE how much I hate Wanderer. I don't know if I hate Wanderer or Bella more. But I think that since Wanderer is more whiny and like a whipped puppy, I'm going to have to say I hate her more. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MURPHY KICK HER ASS.

The sleepy-eyed mother was named Lucina, and her two boys were Isaiah and Freedom. Of COURSE her fucking kid's name is Freedom. That's almost as bad as Apple.

The balding, red-cheeked man was Trudy's husband; his name was Geoffrey. Who is Trudy?

Were twenty-nine rattlesnakes afraid of a lone field mouse? I hate her. HATE HER. She is so scared and submissive and (let me pull a Smeyer and check thesaurus.com) bowing down, comformable, complying, deferential, docile, giving-in, humble, ingratiating, lowly, meek, menial, nonresistant, nonresisting, obedient, obeisant, obeying, obsequious, passive, pliable, pliant, resigned, servile, slavish, subdued, tame, tractable, uncomplaining, unresisting, and yielding.

Lily was with Heidi in the first cave, with the flowered sheets; Heath was in the
second, with the duct-taped cardboard; and Trudy and Geoffrey were in the third, with a striped quilt. Reid and Violetta were one cave farther down the hall than mine, their privacy protected by a stained and threadbare oriental carpet. Do the colours of the sheets really matter. REALLY? Why on God's green earth would she think that was integral to the story? Or that we should care? And what kind of name is Violetta anyway?

Anyway, it turns out that after Melanie disappeared Pedobear and Jamie found Sharon and Maggie (who I guess is...Sharon's mom?) and they solved Jeb's riddle and found this shelter. How nice that everything works out withe no deaths. I hate that about Smeyer. She cannot have anything end badly. I only skimmed Breaking Dawn, but from what I've read from recaps, there was supposed to be this epic vampire battle and then it was averted. Smeyer said it was supposed to be all "Art of War" strategy-based and like a chess game, but it just a cheap cop out so she didn't have kill anyone. I've read Art of War, and I'm also reading The Eight which is chess-centric and both were done infinitely better. Don't try to think you understand strategic mind games Smeyer. You don't.

Jamie and Wanderer are talking about Melanie and whether she'll go away. Blah blah I DON'T CARE. I just want something to HAPPEN. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Now Jeb wants Wanderer to teach. That'll go over well.

My refusal sent an unexpected pang of guilt through me. I'd never refused a Calling before. It
felt like a selfish thing to do. She keeps talking about Callings which, the meaning is obvious. But I'm just wondering, is there something like tht in Mormonism? Stoney321, find this out for me. I know they believe that you found your family in a previous life, and you just have to find them in this one. Maybe it's the same thing with your job.

“I couldn't give you a weapon if I wanted to, Jeb. We don't have
some great weakness, an Achilles' heel. No archenemies out there in space who could come to
your aid, no viruses that will wipe us out and leave you standing. Sorry.” The Vogons. CALL THE VOGONS. Also, it would be awesome if this book pulled a "War of the Worlds" and bacteria just killed all the Yeerks.

By the way...is it really feasible to have a "romance" novel where one of the players in the triangle hasn't been around for like, fifty pages? I can't remember the last time Pedobear was around.

It should probably have bothered me more that I was such a
slave to this child's wishes. Not to mention you're a slave to everyone's wishes. It should bother you more, but it doesn't! If you would BE BOTHERED then I wouldn't be so bothered.

“Well, see, they have these awesome hands.” Jamie was enthusiastic almost immediately. “Sort of double-jointed–they can curl both ways.” He flexed his own fingers, as if trying to bend them backward. “One side is soft, like my palm, but the other side is like razors! They cut the ice–ice sculpting. They make cities that are all crystal castles that never melt! It's beautiful, isn't it, Wanda?” Gag me. GAG ME. Someone tell me, how plausible is it to make buildings out of ice, which is delicate and can break and maybe if the planet (which is...Hoth I guess) suffers a random bout of global warming, all that shit's going to melt. Is this book like, sponsored by Disney? That is exactly the kind of cutesy, gag inducing thing that Disney would think of. Sorry about the preposition.

Everyone was listening to us by this point, and this was no pretty fairytale about ice-sculpting Bears. Ice sculpting bears. ICE SCULPTING BEARS. FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Then there's a bunch of shit about the origin of souls which is really boring. They started out on a planet called "The Origin" which is like, a rip-off of Battlestar Galactica and whenever someone moves on from The Origin they're like a celebrity. Or something. I really don't know. Or particularly care.

“It's a cool place,” Jamie went on. “Lots of clouds, with a bunch of different-colored layers. It's
the only planet where the souls can live outside of a host for very long. The hosts on the Origin
planet are really pretty, too, with sort of wings and lots of tentacles and big silver eyes.” It must be nice to live in Smeyer's world. Everyone's so beautiful and it's populated by ice sculpting bears and unicorns and puppies and kittens and bunnies and people eat rainbows and cotton candy and no one dies, ever, and true love happens all the time and it only takes like two seconds to realize you're in love and conflicts are resolved in a day.

Turns out that Wanderer is like thousands of years old. Not only is the thing with Ian a May/December relationship, it is a December/Mayfly relationship. What is wrong with people being the same age? REALLY?

“But in a very real sense, I'm younger than you,” I murmured to him. “Not even a year old. I
feel like a child all the time.” Okay, never mind. So I guess it's better to fuck a baby than fuck an elderly person. I just...don't even know anymore.

Ohhh, Doc was asking Wanderer all these questions about her life because he's trying to get people to see that she tells good stories so they'll want her to teach. VERY Machiavellian. Or not, since Smeyer doesn't have that kind of depth.