I'm The Goddamn Batman Issue #7

Cover: Batman and Black Canary fighting bad guys.

Alternate cover: A really weird and somewhat Dadaist drawing of Batman.

So Batman's laying the smack down on the bad guys that were chasing Black Canary, and he's getting a lot of joy out of it. It appears that Batman is thinking of making a bomb, but I wasn't aware that was his thing.

"They're shooting scared. They're shooting stupid. Killing their own. Life is good."

I don't have a problem with anti-heroes. I LOVE Sam Spade, and this is a guy who feels nothing over diddling his partner's wife or said partner's death, or his love interest being sent to jail. But I think Batman has crossed the line from "appealingly dark" to "fucking psychotic."

He is definitely right now throwing Molotov cocktails at the bad guys. Way to NOT DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF, Batman.

What exactly does having your underwear over your tights do? Is there a purpose? It's certainly not for the aesthetic quality.

Black Canary: Has anyone told you, my good man, that you are totally hot?

Batman: Not for the last few days, no.

I actually found that part funny. So anyway, Black Canary kisses him and Batman likes it because she smokes. Or something. He goes, "I haven't kissed a smoker in weeks...not since Selina." YAY, CATWOMAN.

And then...they fuck. On the docks. In the rain. With a bunch of dead bodies nearby and fires smouldering. Righty-o then.

Edit: Forgot to add, also without appearing to take their clothes off.

Batman asks if she needs a ride home and she expresses disbelief because he's "the goddamn Batman and you need a goddamn car?" Well, what the hell's he going to do, fly? Batman doesn't have any powers.

Not sure if you can read it, but basically Batman is having a shitfit because Black Canary expressed disbelief at the Batmobile's name, and he's complaining because he gets shit about calling it that all the time. You guys, can't a dude name his car something stupid without getting grief about it?

Previously, Batman briefly mentioned a guy who could fly, and Black Canary asks for clarification but he says it doesn't matter. I find it funny that NO ONE knows about Superman.

There's a funny line in Chuck Klosterman IV that says, "The Joker was Batman's nemesis, but -ironically - his archenemy was Superman, since Superman made Batman entirely mortal and generally nonessential. Nobody likes to admit this, but Batman fucking hated Superman; Superman is the reason Batman became an alcoholic." Chuck might actually be right about this. I've never thought of Batman and Superman as knowing about each other, but it seems Frank disagrees with me.

Mildly amusing confusion. Black Canary goes, "Do you mind telling me who you're carrying on your shoulder?" and I thought she meant that she knew Batman was still hung up on someone (Catwoman) and she wanted to know who it was. But no, Batman is literally carrying someone on his shoulder.

Black Canary keeps suggesting to Batman that he might not be so psycho if he talked to someone once in a while, which is decent advice. Batman doesn't think so and tells her repeatedly to shut up. Black Canary seems unperturbed, however. Batman thinks that she's pushing her luck and then immediately does a 180 and goes, "she has a right to say what she wants." I think Batman's schizophrenic.

Sometimes, I LOVE a good noir line. Occasionally, while reading Ghost, Mike would say something completely badass and gritty, and I would start kinda sorta enjoying the book. Of course, then he would completely turn around my goodwill by fucking an underage girl or engaging in graphic S&M. Anyway, here's a line I particularly enjoyed from Batman: "And she's dead right to say I'm half crazy. But only half. The other half is doing just fine." Oh Batman. I wish I could quit you.

Meanwhile, Robin's head is floating in the darkness and wondering how long he's been locked in the batcave. Oh right, last time we left Robin he was holding an axe. When I heard that Batman forced Robin to eat rats, I thought that maybe Batman locked him in the batcave and suggested he eat rats, but Robin wouldn't actually do it. Since we had that part, I thought the grossness involving rats and bats was over. But no, Robin just ate a raw rat. This is the trouble with reading stories that you enjoy for the noirishness but despise at other times: EVERY TIME I get some goodwill, like I just did at Batman's awesome line, that gets turned around completely by something disgusting. So thanks, Frank.

Anyway, Batman brings back Jocko and tells Robin the murderer's fate is in his hands. Is he an avenger, or a detective? Are there any other choices? Can I phone a friend?

The effect of Robin standing with the axe is somewhat lessened by the furry buttons on his pajamas.

Avenger or detective. Why are those two mutually exclusive?

Robin drops the axe beside Jocko's head, clipping his face. Robin flips out and kicks the dude. Batman is excited.

You know, the only sympathetic character in this whole comic is Alfred, but he doesn't show up nearly enough to dilute Batman's insanity. Robin was, until he flipped out on this guy. Black Canary might be, but she hasn't had any character development thus far. Same with Vicki.

Last page is a picture of the Joker, so stay tuned. That's the end of issue 7.