The cover of issue 2 is very disconcerting. Batman is standing, all stoic in the rain, and Robin is grovelling in the mud. So in one cover we have subtext of both pederasty and domination in a franchise most commonly known (pre-Christopher Nolan) for charming campiness. I have the same pervasive feeling of unease and mild disgust that I had while reading Ghost by John Ringo, but I'll keep trucking.
Mild detour: why is it a prerequisite for superhero costumes to be all spandex and wearing your underwear over tights? I think we can safely say that Superman started that trend, but I'm pretty sure that someone should end it. Did no superhero look in the mirror and go, "You know what? I look silly. I'm just going to wear jeans and a t-shirt and a mask."
Batman goes on a fauxlosophic narration about Gotham, somehow comparing it to Lenore of "The Raven" fame and then straight out non-sequiturs "I just kidnapped a traumatized young boy." And...this seems okay to you, Batman? I know Batman's thing is that he's a little morally ambiguous, but COME ON.
"Dick Grayson. Aerialist. Twelve years old. Brave boy. Damn strong. Not that he has a prayer of escaping my grip. But he's strong. Very promising. He just might do. He just might."
I'm pretty sure that Batman is thinking about grooming him to be a sidekick, but does it not sound like he's wondering about Robin's ability to stand up to some intense S&M? BRAIN BLEACH. Rule 34 states that there is probably fanfic exploring that very possibility, but I'm too scared to check.
So let's think about this for a second. Batman has been thinking that he needs a sidekick, so he kidnaps a boy whose parents just died? A TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY whose parents just died. So I'm to assume that Batman picked him for the distinct possibility that a) Since he's so young, he'll be easy to train and b) Since he's traumatized, he'll latch onto anybody who shows an interest. Batman is looking for someone who is mentally malleable and who will be attached/loyal to him.
I feel uncomfortable.
Cut to Alfred bandaging Vicki's wounds. Alfred is surprisingly ripped. Apparently he was also in the army or something. You know, why hasn't there been a spinoff about Alfred's youth? I would definitely read that.
Oh come on, Frank Miller. Alfred is never involved in the strenuous Batman stuff, so how on Earth does he have Schwarzeneggerian muscles? Side note: My spellcheck recognizes the word Schwarzeneggerian. This makes me happy.
Wait, what? Alfred and Vicki got in a car accident, but I don't remember this happening. Did it happen last issue? I'm too lazy to check. Maybe the bats did it.
Everyone refers to Robin as "Dick Grayson, age 12." Why? What earthly reason is there to do that? Who cares about his age?
Question: Why did Dick Grayson change his name to Robin? Can someone answer that for me?
"Someone murdered his parents right before his eyes. Brutally. It was brutal. Brutal!" Frank Miller really does repeat things repeatedly. Hey, there's more. "It was brutal. Brutal! It was brutal!" Brutal doesn't look like a word anymore.
There's a funny panel that makes it look like Alfred and Vicki are naked. Again, there's probably fanfic for this but I'm too scared to check.
It's possible that this is my favourite panel of the whole thing thus far. What's with the closeup of the noses? Who knows. Also, doesn't Alfred look like one of those stereotypical melodramatic villains who tie the heroine to railroad tracks?
Batman definitely just tossed Robin into the Batmobile. I'm not getting Batman's methods here. I guess it's like EXTREME tough love and I guess he's trying to toughen Robin up but I'm pretty sure that actually being conscious of Robin's feelings would be the better way to go.
Remember when I said that I couldn't find cartoons attractive? Scratch that. I'm weirdly attracted to Alfred here. I think he's going to emerge as the dark horse favourite.Also: How is Vicki's dress staying up? That's some industrial strength boob tape right there.
Bats apparently go "skee." I actually just looked up a Youtube video to see if they actually went "skee" and...they don't really. I would think it was more of a "mee-ee-ee-ee" sound, but I really admire Frank's attempts to put sounds into writing. My favourite parts of comic books are looking at the strange sound effects.
So Batman gasses Robin and then is surprised to realize that Robin isn't knocked out. Robin asks who he is, and Batman tells him to sleep and then says some really not reassuring stuff like, "the world when you wake won't be better than the world you know now" and "you poor bastard." I was sure it was going to be my favourite panel coming up but sadly, that is not to be.
"Damn! Maniac!" What's with! Random! Insertion of! Punctation!" I guess this person (who is swearing at Batman for driving like a lunatic) could be swearing "Damn!" as he has to swerve and then calling Batman a maniac, but this seems kind of stilted. I read it as "Damn maniac!" but if this is the case then Frank Miller doesn't understand the concept of exclamation marks.
So on the next page, the lighting takes on a strange reddish glow, which makes sense because Batman looks a little like Satan. He says he's going to put Robin through holy hell and then ominously says, "Sleep tight, my little ward." Must...push...bad...thoughts....out of....head. Then Robin says something hilarious. He realizes that this isn't Batman's real voice, and it's like he's doing "some lameass Clint Eastwood impersonation." I laughed because really, isn't that what Christian Bale does when he puts on his Batman voice? It's like he's trying to be Clint Eastwood and failing.
Someone who knows more about comics than I do: Is it canon that Bruce Wayne and Batman have different voices? It makes sense, but it seems to me that he's the first superhero to think of it.
My primitive MS paint technology here is too small for you to read, but Robin goes, "What the hell's a ward?" and Batman's goes "..." and then "Shut up. I'll do the talking." My question here is, is it necessary for Batman to even HAVE a speech bubble in the second panel? Speech bubbles are for speech, and I'm sure we would be able to figure out that Batman was pausing with just a plain beat panel there. Having the speech bubble in that panel is weird, and my mind keeps thinking that Batman's saying something, just something I can't comprehend. Like it's in African clicking language or something.The nose panel was pretty good, but this next one's even better. This is the stuff that memes are made of, ladies and gentlemen:
I wish I knew whether or not Frank Miller was joking. I want to know whether I should laugh or just sit in stunned silence.Batman: I'm gonna be the best friend you could ever hope for, and the worst enemy you could ever imagine.
Robin: Sure man, whatever.
Robin's reply is hilariously laid-back, like he suddenly switched places with the Dude.
Batman says that he needs Robin to be scared, and proceeds to do some insane driving and manages to drive a bunch of cops off the road.
I need you guys to see this panel. I need you to be as scared as I am right now:
Why does Batman look like the Joker? Or maybe the Riddler, as in the next panel Batman's laughing like a maniac.
Robin goes "hukk hukk" and I'm not exactly sure what this is supposed to signify.
The Batmobile flies above the clouds and Robin freaks out about his parents. Batman proceeds to give him a slap upside the head, or as we call it in my family, a hufflit. (That's an actual word. We learned it while playing Balderdash.) Robin is going to need so much therapy later on.
Batman begins to have doubts about being a total dickhead but then thinks that he can't let Robin grieve and he's doing the right thing. Batman also might need therapy. Robin begins to feel sorry for Batman because he realizes he's lonely. Pretty sure that being lonely is not license to kidnap a young boy and abuse him.
The scenes with Batman softening towards Robin and Robin relating to Batman are weird. They have the sexual tension subtext, only this is between a man and a 12 year old boy.
Robin agrees to join Batman's crusade and that's the end of issue 2.
So here we have OOC Batman, weird pedophilish sexual tension, and a strangely attractive Alfred. It's like we've entered the Twilight Zone.
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