Midnight Sun Chapters 7 and 8

Wow, something I missed from the end of chapter 6. Edward PICKS HER POCKET AND STEALS HER KEY. CREEPY.

Lol, remember when Edward was disgusted about Jessica's sick fantasies? Here's what they entail:
1. Wanting Edward to put his arms around her.
2. Pulling Edward to her and wishing Edward could hold her chin.
3. Imagining Edward push her hair aside and trace her lips with his finger.
4. Wishing Edward could kiss her. Probably closed mouth.

Yeah. Yeah, those are some pretty intense fantasies all right.

Did I want Bella to be attracted to me, a woman to a man?
Everything she says is so contrived. This just sounds so...ugh. Cliched.

Eddie's sad because he can't hear Bella's thoughts to make sure she's safe. Well, she's with her father, in her house, so I assume she's safe. Although maybe not so much since A STALKER'S WATCHING HER.

WTF IS THIS SHIT?
Okay, Emmett and Jasper are playing chess with eight boards, which, AWESOME. And then Edward's like, "They wouldn't let me play. Only Alice would play games with me anymore." HOW OLD ARE YOU, FIVE?

This is so Brady Bunch I just want to puke. Emmett and Jasper are playing chess, Alice is whispering Emmett's moves to Jasper while she designs clothes on a touch sensitive screen and Edward goes to be emo and play the piano.

Holy shit. Esme is practically orgasming over how happy she is that Edward is playing. She seriously does nothing. She has no personality. She has no purpose. There's a bunch of stuff about Edward playing the piano but I'm pretty sure Smeyer doesn't know anything about music because this makes no sense.
Following the melody with the BASS LINE? Fuck you Smeyer. Piano music doesn't have a BASS LINE. If it's a singing score, there will be a soprano, tenor, baritone, and bass. Piano has a treble and bass CLEF. Not a bass LINE. GODDAMMIT.

Rosalie's fury is chagrined. I don't think chagrin means what Smeyer thinks it means.

Lol. Esme's like, "Don't STOP, Edward!"

Alice comes and sings a descant in her "trilling voice" which means THAT SHE'S SWITCHING RAPIDLY BETWEEN TWO NOTES. That's one fucking bizarro song.

Alice sings a descant, which is sung above the melody, and yet Eddie adds it to the harmony. Yeah, good luck with that.

ROFL.

I played the last note, then bowed my head over the keys.
WHO DOES THAT? No one is that emo.

Esme's all, "She HAS to love you! She's be stupid not to see what a catch you are. I'm so happy you have found love because no one should be alone!" What is she, a Victorian mother talking to her unmarried daughter?

Then Edward plays Esme her favourite song, an "unnamed tribute to the love I'd watched between her and Carlisle for so many years." GAG.

Edward mentions something about a "fox in the manger scenario". I have no idea what that means.

Edward's ranting on about how Rosalie is so beautiful and egotistical and the way they keep bringing that up I can't help but think this is supposed to be a jab at people who hated Smeyer in high school. I'm all for that but...you'd think she could make it a little more subtle.

Emmett is hunting for bears. I love him so much.

Edward all of a sudden has a shitfit because of the numerous ways that Bella can die. Because I'm sure Washington gets hit by hurricanes and tornadoes all the time. Also, it's spelled LIGHTNING, bitch. NOT LIGHTENING.

ROFL.
Emmett and Rosalie shared an intensely physical love. He had a hard time understanding how anyone could love, without that aspect.
This mocks itself.

So Edward brings back OIL SO THAT HER WINDOW WILL OPEN BETTER. Also, remember in Twilight (which you probably don't, because I didn't) when Bella opens her window and she's like, "it didn't stick this time. I don't know why"? IT'S BECAUSE EDWARD OILED IT.

Bella sleeps with her hands under her cheek, just like EVERY STEREOTYPICAL PICTURE OF A CHILD SLEEPING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. Yeah. No one does that, least of all a seventeen year old girl.

"Aging sages" is a good band name. I call dibs.

Chapter 8- Ghost

Hey, maybe Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore will make a cameo appearance.

Honestly, Edward follows her like, everywhere. THE WATCHING HER SLEEP THING IS BAD ENOUGH.

Okay, I get it. Stalking is fun sometimes. Stacey and I had a mildly pedo crush on this guy who was two years younger than me and three years younger than her. Sometimes we followed him around. And yet WE DIDN'T FOLLOW HIM AROUND OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL.

Mike's all, "Hey, I didn't notice, but your hair has a little red in it." Well, that's a GREAT pickup line, Mike!

Even in his MIND, Mike says, "Dang." Okay, swearing is okay. Unless this is like, Pleasantville, teenagers swear. I haven't met one who doesn't. And you don't have to go all Aaron Rayburn with the swearing. But you know, go nuts. Throw in a "dammit" or two. Otherwise the dialogue sounds so lame.

Edward "broke another tree". What exactly does this mean? Did he tear off a branch? Or did he break the trunk in half? Because if he tore it in half and it fell I'm pretty sure Mike and Bella would notice something.

Here are Mike's thoughts after Bella tells him Jessica likes him:
"What? But...oh. Okay. I guess...so...huh."
And: "Jessica. Huh. Wow. Huh."

I'm not sure about you guys, but I generally don't stutter in my thoughts. Or go "huh."

More of Mike's thoughts, about Jessica: "She's cute though, I guess. Decent body. A bird in the hand..."
HE EVEN THINKS IN CLICHES. WHO SAYS THAT? WHO ACTUALLY THINKS TO THEMSELVES, "A BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH, I GUESS"? I don't even SAY cliches, let alone think them to myself. That is BEYOND stupid.

Okay, why does Smeyer think that us watching Bella read Austen through Edward's eyes is exciting reading?

Bella's sunbathing in a long sleeved shirt. I hope that works well for her.

YES. THANK GOD, MY DAY IS COMPLETE. The phrase "rainbow sparkles" IS ACTUALLY USED. I have to say, I thought that phrase was a myth. Someone mentioned it on the anti-Twilight Facebook group and I remember thinking that couldn't be but CLEARLY, I AM JUST GIVING SMEYER TOO MUCH CREDIT. It's like he's talking about hundreds and thousands or something.

Holy shit, he just stole her book. Yeah I'M SURE SHE WON'T NOTICE.

Edward is such an adolescent girl. This book just makes it more clear.

Fuck. The Cullens went to Calgary. I wish she could just leave Canada out of this. Goddammit, she's already tainted vampires and Jack's Mannequin for me. JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING I LOVE OUT OF THIS.

She should stop using the word "defection". Every time I see it I think it says, "defecation". Which is more appropriate, I suppose.

Now Edward's stalking Bella to Seattle, yay. He doesn't get more than "madman" or "idiot" from anyone for his stalking behaviour. You'd think someone would sit him down and be like, "Dude. Edward. You're being creepy."