Only nine more chapters. So that's only...five more days. Five more days.
EDWARD CARRIED ME HOME IN HIS ARMS, EXPECTINGthat I wouldn’t be able to hang on. I must have fallen asleep on the way.
When I woke up, I was in my bed and the dull light coming through my windows slanted in from a strange angle. Almost like it was afternoon.
I yawned and stretched, my fingers searching for him and coming up empty.
“Edward?” I mumbled.
My seeking fingers encountered something cool and smooth. His hand.
“Are you really awake this time?” he murmured.
“Mmm,” I sighed in assent. “Have there been a lot of false alarms?”
“You’ve been very restless — talking all day.”
“Allday ?” I blinked and looked at the windows again.
“You had a long night,” he said reassuringly. “You’d earned a day in bed.”
I sat up, and my head spun. The lightwas coming in my window from the west. “Wow.”
“Hungry?” he guessed. “Do you want breakfast in bed?”
“I’ll get it,” I groaned, stretching again. “I need to get up and move around.”
He held my hand on the way to the kitchen, eyeing me carefully, like I might fall over. Or maybe he thought I was sleepwalking.
How old is she, seriously? Also, where's Charlie? Where are they right now? I'm really confused.
“Jacob Black can give you presents.”
It wasn’t a question, or an accusation. Just a statement of fact. But I knew he was referring to my last birthday and the fit I’d thrown over gifts; I hadn’t wanted any. Especially not from Edward.
Oh Edward. Keep getting jealous over random stupid things, you abusive motherfucker. Also, he's going to give her a charm for her bracelet. A hand me down, apparently.
“Have you noticed the inequality?” he asked, and his voice turned accusing. “Because I certainly have.”
“What inequality?”
His eyes narrowed. “Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn’t. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That’s utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?”
“Easy.” I shrugged. “You’re more important than everyone else. And you’ve given meyou . That’s already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance.”
I just...don't want to read these conversations anymore, Smeyer. Kthx.
Also, they're talking about some shit and a clearing but I am tired and I don't want to try to understand. Also, Jacob is second in command of the wolves. I'm not sure if this fact will need to be remembered.
“They always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform.” So...how come all these guys can fursplode? Unless La Push is really, really incestuous.
Hey, Leah is a werewolf. What? A WOMAN is powerful and strong? Am I still reading the same book? And now Sam and Leah can hear each other's thoughts, and that's gotta be a bit awkward.
“Poor Leah,” I whispered.
Edward snorted. “She’s making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I’m not sure she deserves your sympathy.” Aaaand we're back to women being ungrateful harpy bitches. My...I don't think you would it respect, but something like it, for Smeyer evaporated after an impressive thirty seconds. Only Smeyer can make me go from like to extreme dislike of a character in so little time.
So Leah keeps thinking of things the pack wants to forget. Embry doesn't know who his father is and then he joined the pack, so his father has to be Quil's dad, Sam's dad, or Jacob's dad.
It wasn’t so much that I had to be in the clearing. I just had to be where Edward was.
Cruel,I accused myself.Selfish, selfish, selfish! Don’t do it!
I ignored my better instincts. I couldn’t look at him while I spoke, though. The guilt had my eyes glued to the table.
“Okay, look, Edward,” I whispered. “Here’s the thing . . . I’ve already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are.And I can’t stand it if you leave me again. ” She's such a bitch. She will hurt anyone and do anything to get what she wants.
“I can’t stand it,” I insisted, still staring down. “Not knowing whether or not you’ll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it’s over?” Don't you know yet that you're ina Smeyer book? Edward will come back, unscathed, riding on a unicorn, holding a puppy and a kitten in each hand, after single handedly killing the vampire army with his toes, DUH.
I wondered if I was a monster. Not the kind that he thought he was, but the real kind. The kind that hurt people. The kind that had no limits when it came to what they wanted. Hey, that's basically what I said before!
Bella wants Edward to sit out the battle so that he can babysit her. Smart, Bella. He's like the strongest one there. If you want everyone to come back alive, let him fight! We all know that it's not going to turn into a real physical battle anyway.
What I wanted was to keep him safe, safe with me. Did I have a limit to what I would do, what I would sacrifice for that? I wasn’t sure.
“You ask me to let them fight without my help?” he said in a quiet voice.
“Yes.” I was surprised I could keep my voice even, I felt so wretched inside. “Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we’re together.”
I need to kill someone. Possibly myself. I can't see into her mind. She's making Edward sit out of the battle, the BATTLE TO SAVE HER LIFE so that they can stay together. Despite the fact that their side needs all the people they can get and if he's there the chances are higher that everyone will live. Just so that she can have a little peace of mind.
“Don’t apologize,” he said, smiling just a little. “Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need . . .” He shrugged. “You are my first priority.”
“I didn’t mean it that way — like you have to choose me over your family.” That's exactly what you meant, Bella, don't lie.
“Anytime,” he answered, kissing my hair. “Anything.” Anyway, anyhow, anywheeeeeeeeere!
Bella was talking in her sleep again about the third wife. Remember, the werewolf chick who stabbed herself to distract the vampires? I wonder if this will be significant later.
“Hello, Alice,” he greeted her. He put one finger under my chin and tilted my face up to kiss me
goodbye. I first read this as "He put one finger under HER chin" and I was like "WHOA HOLY INCEST BATMAN!"
“There’s not much to arrange,” Alice said. “I already told them. Emmett is pleased.”
Edward sighed. “Of course he is.” Squee, EMMETT!
So question. Alice psychically sensed that Jasper was her soulmate and then she accosted him in that bar and they lived happily ever after. But did she fall in love with him BECAUSE her psychic visions said she would? Or does she genuinely love him? If she didn't know that eventually she fell in love with him which, let's remember, could change because the future isn't certain, would she have fallen in love with him? What if Jasper all of a sudden went schizophrenic and her visions changed? What then, Alice? It's like the precog thing from Minority Report and the whole controversy over precrime. If it hasn't happened yet, is it technically a crime? If she hasn't fallen in love with someone yet, can she fall in love just because she knows she does? All this time stuff hurts my head.
I think it's cute how Charlie loves Alice.
Alice nodded, her face suddenly forlorn. “Yes. They’reall going, except me. We always go
backpacking at the end of the school year, sort of a celebration, but this year I decided I’d rather shop than hike, and not one of them will stay behind with me. I’m abandoned.” The little women can't hike. They would all rather go shopping, instead! Anyway, Alice pretends she's all forlorn that her whole family is gone and Charlie suggests that Bella stay at the Cullens until they get back. SNEAKY.
Jasper and Emmett were already wrestling — just warming up from the sounds of their laughter. These two need their own spinoff, seriously.
How long is this fucking chapter?
Jacob continued to stare at me.
“He wants to know why,” Edward murmured.
Jacob growled — not a threatening sound, an annoyed sound — and Edward’s lips twitched.
“What?” I asked.
“He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, ‘That’s really stupid. What is there to be worried about?’ I edited, because I thought it was rude.”
Oh man, that is SO RUDE. How could Bella's little virgin ears STAND TO HEAR THAT? Good thing Edward's there to edit out the word "stupid" so that Bella won't swoon again for the 348457854th time.
Chapter 20- Compromise
Remember those
One way or another, this would all be over in forty-eight hours. How do they know this will be over in two days? Did they meet with the vampire and they were all, "Yeah, we've got a heavy schedule. How's a three day battle for you?" and the Cullens were like, "Well, we've gotta get back to fucking in our quasi-incestuous family. How about two days?" and the other vampires were like, "Cool. Works for us!"
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm, slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other. His lips found mine as I heard him kick the truck’s door shut behind me.
Without breaking the kiss, he swung me up so that I was cradled in his arms and carried me into the house. Does she honestly have to be carried everywhere? And how can he keep kissing her as he a) Kicks closed the door, b) lifts her up, and c) opens the door to the house? I don't get how that works.
So Edward gives her a heart charm.
“But I thought it was a good representation,” he continued. “It’s hard and cold.” He laughed. “And it throws rainbows in the sunlight.” If you just take this section out of context, he could be talking about his wang.
I leaned into him, ducking my head under his arm and cuddling into his side. It probably felt similar to snuggling with Michelangelo’sDavid, except that this perfect marble creature wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer.
How is cuddling with a statue even remotely attractive?
“Well,” he said, and his face was calculating. “If you’re my wife, then what’s mine is yours . . . like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth.”
“Anything else? While you’re already being absurd?”
Damn that Edward, always bringing up a fucking EDUCATION. It's just so ABSURD.
“I wouldn’t mind sometime. ”
“No. No time. That’s a deal breaker right there.”
Her education is...a dealbreaker? AL;KSDFHYAUSILGFASJDFK
So Bella wants to have sex before she turns into a vampire and Edward's all like "NO, I'LL HURT YOU".
While I was ranting, he pulled my hands together to restrain them in just one of his, and put his other hand over my mouth. Sure, I want my boyfriend to grab my arms and put his hand over my mouth so that I can't state my opinion. EDWARD IS THE PERFECT MAN.
I’d never made myself quite so vulnerable before. Really? Do you...remember some of the shit you've said and done?
“You know why I have to say no,” he murmured. “You know that I want you, too.”
“Do you?” I whispered, my voice full of doubt.
“Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl.” He laughed once, and then his voice was bleak.
“Doesn’t everyone? I feel like there’s a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake. . . . You’re too desirable for your own good.”
“Who’s being silly now?” I doubted if awkward, self-conscious, and inept added up todesirable in anyone’s book.
“Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you.”
You mean there's MORE people who are desperately in love with Bella? Are you SERIOUS?
“Getting married is a stretch for me. I’m not giving in unless I get something in return.” I thought what you were getting in return was that Edward was going to turn you. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION? I stand by my earlier assertion that Smeyer has short term memory loss and she honestly doesn't remember what she writes from minute to minute.
His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Would youplease stop trying to take your clothes off?”
“Do you want to do that part?” I asked, confused.
Did Tara Gillesbie write this part? "But Edward, don't you want to stick your thingie into my you-know-what? We can French passively!" I can't remember where I read this, but it's a good rule: If you can't actually say the word "sex" then you shouldn't be having it.
Does this argument honestly have to continue over like thirty pages? Word padding is not always a good thing. Sometimes it's better to actually take OUT words, although that concept is probably blasphemy to someone like Smeyer.
“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.” Really? The woman is completely vulnerable to her sexual desires, she can't do anything without her man, she swoons constantly, she can't stand the sight of blood. The man is smarter, more controlled, and strong. I'd say that was VERY traditional. Stereotypical, even.
Good GOD can we just STOP TALKING ABOUT THE SEX VS. MARRIAGE THING IT'S GETTING REALLY OLD.
“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted . . . my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned
crookedly. Tee hee hee, he's worried about his VIRTUE being tainted. I think Smeyer's fucking with us and it will soon be revealed that this is some kind of alternate history where the Victorian paradigm never changed. It will be revealed randomly at the end of the series like the "Dumbledore is gay" thing.
“I can’t believe I’m going along with this. When I think of Charlie . . . and Renée! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now.” That's why you MOVE AWAY, dumbass.
Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas — you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official — that you belong to me and no one else. ” The fact that he emphasized "no one else" is really creepy. "You belong to me...and NO ONE ELSE."
He laughed at my expression. “That’s fine. I’ll get it on your finger soon enough.” Ha ha ha I just read this sentence out of context and I was like, "WHOA, WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?" That's the second sexual innuendo in this recap. Maybe Smeyer is actually smarter and more subtle than we all give her credit for...HA HA HA I got you there. We all know she's a misogynistic dumbass.
“Isabella Swan?” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. “I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”
Department of Redundancy Department, anyone? What is the difference between "forever" and "every day of forever"? When you say "forever" isn't it implied that you will love someone all the time, for forever? GAH.
“Thank you,” he said simply. He took my left hand and kissed each of my fingertips before he kissed the ring that was now mine. Urgh THE GOO AND THE CHEESE. I cannot STAND IT.
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