I HAD PRETTY MUCH THE MOST AMAZING DREAMS EVER

Wow. So, I had these really weird dreams last night, possibly because I consumed a LOT of wine and cheese at our wine and cheese party yesterday. So here was my first dream:

For some reason my dog had really bad worms and they were coming out of him and crawling on me. Some looked like the worm from the first season X-Files episode "Ice" and the rest were brown and gross. My mom had to keep pulling them off me and I was freaking out because I hate creepy crawlies. I had two more on my legs and I wanted mom to get them off me but she wouldn't because apparently I had a rattler (like just the rattle part, which I guess was from the worm?) stuck to me, and if mom removed the worms, I would be poisoned. In my panicked state, I didn't care and started batting at the rattler to get it off, and then I was poisoned. I started falling but mom and someone else who was there (possibly Lindsay, possibly Katherine) didn't think it was serious and put me to bed. So I woke up in the middle of the night with a swollen mouth and throat and I could hardly breathe. I got my mom to drive me to the hospital but she really was not rushing as much as I would like. We encountered a few obstacles during our drive, namely an Airport Express bus that overturned in our yard but righted itself, and a bulldozer. We finally got to the hospital and then mom was being SO MADDENING. We arrived at the hospital, which was like the Palisades, just as everyone was having lunch and mom wanted me to wait until the speeches were done to get medical attention. I was like, "I can't breathe" except I couldn't speak and she's like, "WHAT? WHAT?" So I had to tell her again. I didn't want to wait and I rushed off to find a nurse. We had our choice of nurses, either from Australia or the US. Mom wanted the US but I chose Australia. This nurse was like, "Oh yeah, I saw this all the time back home" and took out something that resembled a dust buster/hair dryer and stuck it in my mouth. When she turned it on the blast of hot air popped my swollen mouth like a balloon and I could breathe again, but then I was spitting out a lot of blood. Then the nurse was like, "Okay, you can go home now" and I was like, "So...you're not going to give me any antivenom or anything?" and she's like, "Nope, you're fine." I was a little dubious but I went home.

My second dream was hardcore. I don't remember much of it except I was Deadpool. Deadpool was not just in my dream, I WAS him. I was fighting some evil dude who resembled Steve Buscemi. I just remember we got into a knife fight and I kept throwing knives at him but he WOULD NOT DIE. He threw knives at me but I used a table as a shield. Finally I killed him. OR SO I THOUGHT. I ran outside to find him and this other chick planning to kill me. They were going to kill me and then scuba dive down in this shark cage for some reason. Nice escape, guys. Anyway, I decided to foil them and go into the shark cage WITHOUT AN OXYGEN TANK. That's because I was Deadpool and he does stupid things that work out. So anyway, I shimmied into a small opening into this shark cage and Steve Buscemi was getting really mad and I think he was shooting at me but I was rapidly sinking. I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe I should have brought an oxygen tank" but there was no turning back. Then I thought maybe being in the shark cage wasn't the best idea so I got out and decided to just swim as far as I could out to sea to escape. And that's where my dream ended. It's like a cliffhanger. Did I/Deadpool escape from the evil, evil Steve Buscemi? Did I/Deadpool drown? Did I/Deadpool get picked up by the Coast Guard? Who knows? It was pretty much like a Deadpool movie written by the Coen brothers. Which reminds me...SHOULDN'T THOSE TWO WRITE THE DEADPOOL MOVIE, Y/Y?