Left Behind 23 TO THE END WOO

Edit: Someone left a puzzling comment on this post. I don't understand its significance.

I only have three chapters left so I'm getting this shit done in one fell swoop so I can concentrate on my NaNo and actual school work.

CHAPTER 23

Buck goes to Chicago and is greeted by a young woman in "sensible shoes." APPARENTLY this is slang somewhere for "lesbian" but if this wasn't a conscious decision on the part of Jenkins, why in the world would you describe someone as having sensible shoes?

Anyhoo, this woman is showing resourcefulness, independence, and whatever the opposite of submission is. Naturally, she will have a tragic ending.

"This is the world we've always wanted it and hoped it would be!"
Yeah, Buck, what's the matter? This is the world we've always wanted, with a third of the inhabitants (including all children) gone! And supposedly there's chaos and death everywhere! What's wrong with you? This world is awesome!

Chloe is like a Stepford Wife after her conversion. Before she was independent and had her own mind. Now she's all smiley and buys completely into whatever Rayford and Bruce tell her. It's freaky.

It's always such a shock whenever people talk about Bruce's youth, because I ALWAYS imagine him as Rene Angelil.

"Your friends, the Steeles, told me you might call," Bruce said.
Buck was struck by his honesty. In the world in which Buck moved, he might have kept that information to himself, that edge.
What edge? What edge does knowing that Buck might call give Bruce? And why would Buck think that Bruce, a pastor of a small church, would need an edge?

LMAO. Buck, Buck, Buck. Bruce is telling Buck about his history, about becoming a pastor but not really accepting Christ. And then Buck interrupts and asks if Bruce wants to know more about him. WHAT. First, who narcissistic is that? "Hey, you want to know more about me?" Second, YOU DON'T DO THAT IN INTERVIEWS. I thought Buck was the bestest reporter in the world! And yet he doesn't even know any rudimentary interviewing rules.

"He had feared Bruce was about to pop the question."
Yes, technically you can pop ANY question, but when have you seen that phrase outside stories about marriage proposal?

"But I have enough energy to go to midnight if you do."
Remember what I said about taking any line and making it into a that's what she said joke? Yeah.

Suddenly, Bruce is sure that Carpathia is the Antichrist. Wasn't it a few chapters ago that he wasn't sure or he didn't think so or something? CONTINUITY, JENKINS.

CHAPTER 24

Last chapter, Steve had asked Buck to bring Hattie to the Antichrist and this completely weirded Buck out, and he likened himself to a pimp. So, engineering it so you get the seat on a plane beside a girl you hardly know isn't creepy, but organizing a meeting between your two friends is?

Apparently Steve thought Buck was "the toughest bird dog" he ever sent on a story. Bird dog?

Buck and Steve proceed to have a coded phone message that will fool exactly no one, outside of infants and severely mentally damaged people. Here's what I mean. Buck is trying to get Steve to admit who he REALLY works for.
"You work for the Romanian businessman?"
GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE.

"And I shouldn't broach the subject with him, in spite of the fact that I'm a writer who covers all bases and asks the tough questions?"
Writer? Wrong.
Covers all bases? Wrong.
Asks tough questions? Wrong.
Buck is the most unself-aware person I have ever had the displeasure of reading about.

BUCK IS SO STUPID. Bruce mentions that he thought Carpathia came from a mountainous region because of his name. Buck's all, "Durrrr...his name?" DUH, YOU DUMBASS, THE CARPATHIAN MOUNTAINS. Let's add "Carpathian" to the words he doesn't know the meaning of, in addition to "tape" and "how".

Hattie's got some BACKBONE, people! Buck calls her to advise her not to go visit Carpathia, and he says he's doing it "as a friend."
"You're not my friend, Buck. It was obvious you didn't even like me. I tried to shove you off onto Rayford Steele's little girl, and I'm not even sure you had the brains to pick up on that."
It's obvious here that they're trying to portray Hattie as some kind of hellish bitch, but the only thing running through my mind is, YOU GO GIRL. Dare I say it? I almost kind of love her. I guess now that Chloe's gone ("She's dead, Jim) I have to like a character just to keep from self-harm, and Hattie's it.

Chloe mentions to her father that she wants to invite Hattie for lunch, and Rayford's all, "I thought you didn't even like her." Since when? I thought they were kind of buddies. Didn't they go to the beauty salon together or something?

Others had noticed his [Buck's] purposeful stride.
This is something Buck and I have in common, and that makes me pretty unhappy. Apparently I "walk with purpose". The only difference is I'm not vain about this. Why would you be? Why would one of your selling points be a "purposeful stride"?

Didn't everyone love Carpathia once upon a time? It seems really sudden that everyone is so suspicious of him.

CHAPTER 25

Almost done, guys. Almost done.

This whole thing at the UN becomes funnier once you realize that LaHaye believes the UN is an agent of Satan. Here's what else he thinks is just a front for Satan:
Planned Parenthood
Some organization that is a proponent of equality
The State Department
Major foundations (Carnegie and Ford, etc)
the UN
Left wing politicians
Various Ivy League schools

So basically, people who want equality, proponents of global peace, proponents of education, and organizations whose purpose is to help children whose parents can't take care of them.
Tim LaHaye is batshit. His views on homosexuality are vile. From Wikipedia:

In 1978 LaHaye published The Unhappy Gays , which was later retitled What Everyone Should Know About Homosexuality. The book called homosexuals "militant, organized" and "vile." The Unhappy Gays also argues that gays share 16 pernicious traits, including "incredible promiscuity," "deceit," "selfishness," "vulnerability to sadism-masochism" and "poor health and an early death." He speculates whether those who accept gays even though they are so unhappy or "those who practiced Old Testament capital punishment" on gays are more "cruel and inhuman." He has called the book "a model of compassion." He believes that homosexuality can be cured. However, he says that such conversions are rare.

His wife is equally crazy. I think she runs some kind of organization that is anti-feminist, and also hates gays:
"In a mailing sent to the group's members she wrote that gays and lesbians "want their depraved 'values' to become our children's values. Homosexuals expect society to embrace their immoral way of life. Worse yet, they are looking for new recruits!""

Look, I'm friends with gay people. IN NO WAY are they looking to "recruit" anyone. I have never heard of ANY gay people being like, "Come be gay too! It's fun!" You know? That's so crazy.

Anyway, back to Left Behind.

Hattie is now Carpathia's personal assistant. Carpathia seems to think that he now employs Buck, but I'm not sure why.

I...kind of like Damien. He's...kind of badass. I feel a little nauseated admitting liking anyone and twice in one post is a little much. Anyway, he's getting ready to kill Stonagal, who's some businessman guy. I don't know. Anyway, he's like to Hattie, "Move your chair back, don't want you to get dirty." It's at least a passable attempt at writing a badass character, and I have to give Jenkins that.

So Damien kills Stonagal and Todd-Cothran (another businessman. Or something). Damien then brainwashes everyone into believing that Stonagal took the security guard's gun and killed Todd-Cothran.
"...Jonathan Stonagal told me as recently as at breakfast this morning that he felt personally responsible for two recent deaths in England and that he could no longer live with the guilt."
How was he responsible? For being British?

Anyhoo, Buck isn't affected by Damien's voodoo because he has God on his side! But shit, what's he going to do when they question him? He says nothing and Damien puts words in his mouth. Okay, yeah, THAT WAS LUCKY. So Buck calls Steve, who doesn't remember Buck being in the room when the "suicide" happened. Why would Damien brainwash Steve to think that? It seems pointless.

Uh oh. Bailey demoted Cameron, who now is working for the chick with the sensible shoes in Chicago. Buck won't like that.

And...that's the end. You know, I don't even KNOW if that was more tedious than Twilight. Twilight is my measurement of horrible books, but Left Behind seems to be in a category of its own. I might go look for the second book and/or the movie sometime. But for now I won't be posting as much because of NaNoWriMo.