I'm The Goddamn Batman Issue #6

Cover: Batman, Black Canary, and Batgirl (?) standing on top of a gargoyle or something. One of Black Canary's boobs seems larger than the other. She should get this checked out.
Alternate cover:

Dear God, that boob is not normal.

So we've got some noirish text from Batman, finding joy in beating up those rapists from the previous issue.

Frank needs to learn that there's gritty and then there WTFWHATISTHIS? Gritty= The Maltese Falcon or The Big Sleep. WTFWHATISTHIS= ASBAR.

Black Canary, afflicted by a sad case of cankles, comes out of nowhere on her Harley, pissing off Batman, who thinks she's an amateur.

Three hours ago. Commissioner Gordon is talking on the phone while Barbara Gordon impersonates a demon.

I'm not too sure what's going on in that text box. I'm assuming the blacked out word is "shit", but then it reads "bullshitinging" and if you ignore the blacked out part it's "bullinging." Whatever, I'm not going to ask questions. Oh, in the next panel it says "bull[blacked out part] ing." So I guess it's just a typo.

Gordon keeps referring to Batman as "the goddamn Batman" as if that's his new title. Gordon is talking to one of his friends, ignoring his alcoholic wife in the background. He doesn't care that Batman beats up cops (apparently Gordon took a bat (hee) to one of them himself). He's worried about what Batman has become. He's an urban legend, inspiring copycats. Some of which are young enough to be his daughter. Foreshadowing ahoy!

Barbara's waist is like 15 inches as compared to hips that are like 30 inches. She's like Barbie. Ew, Frank. She's fifteen.

So, this will come as a surprise to no one reading the comic so far, but Barbara Gordon is Batgirl. I'm not sure why Frank keeps feeling the need to black out the word "shit". They've already used a few swears, plus the comic features Batman kidnapping Robin and graphically beating people up, so I'm not sure what Frank thinks he's protecting us from.

So did Barbara get this costume specially made, or...?

Five hours ago. Jimmy Olsen, age 16, is running through the hospital with a bouquet of flowers. Wait, what? He's a reporter for the Gotham Gazette? But...but...he's from Superman's universe! Anyway, Vicki summoned him and Jimmy's pumped because she's "only the most gorgeous babe in journalism on the whole planet." Yeah, whatever. Sleep with one eye open, Vicki. Jimmy brought flowers for Vicki but immediately feels insecure because someone else (Batman) got her way more flowers.

Vicki had phoned Jimmy to get all the information he could on the Flying Graysons. Vicki gets a note from Bruce saying something like, "Sorry about Alfred's driving. Get well soon. The world is a darker place without you." Um, wasn't it VICKI who was driving? She shoved him out of the way and hijacked the limo. I'm really uneasy that I can't remember the car accident. It's like this big blank in my brain, like I blacked out while I was reading.



Black Canary is talking to two thugs, one of which looks like Mr. T's younger, scarier, brother. She's going on about something or other that I can't understand, and one of the thugs is mad because she sounds like a leprechaun. The thugs are thinking they'll just kill her. One calls her love chunks, which is apparently the universal term of endearment among Gotham's less fortunate set. Anyhoo, this is Black Canary's berserk button and she busts out some nunchuks and starts laying the smack down.



So, Black Canary is somewhat of a Robin hood figure, as far as I can tell. She steals the thugs' money and plans to give it to her friend. Her motivations are still unclear. Does SHE need the money? Does she just enjoy it? What's with her Batman fixation?



Back to Batman. He's planning on killing Jocko, the dude who killed Robin's parents. Batman gave him some snake poison when he was beating him up before, which is causing some pretty insane hallucinations. Another maniacal laugh from Batman, and he jumps down and smashes the windshield on the cop car where Jocko is.



Meanwhile, Black Canary is getting chased by some other thugs and then Batman appears and very politely asks her to stand back while he beats up the thugs. The politeness is really jarring, considering just before he was ruthlessly beating up a cop and a thug.



I thought the whole "goddamn Batman" thing only appeared once in this comic, but no. Apparently EVERYONE refers to him as that, including Black Canary.



That's the end of issue 6. Nothing much happened.






I'm not sure why this ad was in the back of the comic, but it's AWESOME. I love Daleks. They strike me as pompous little men who have a bloated sense of their own importance. My favourite Dalek moment is when they were fighting the Cybermen, and one of the Cybermen is like, "You will fight 6 million Cybermen with three Daleks?" and a Dalek was like, "No, we will fight 6 million Cybermen with ONE Dalek!"