Twilight Chapters 11 and 12

Chapter 11- Complications

A movie day — the lift in the class atmosphere was almost tangible.
Yeah, until you watch Ratopolis. That will put your off food for life.

GYM IS NOT CAPITALIZED DAMMIT.

His skin was as icy as ever, but
the trail his fingers left on my skin was alarmingly warm — like I'd been burned,
but didn't feel the pain of it yet.
Okay, I get that love=warmth and all that, but I'm not sure if Smeyer has ever been burned before. Like really burned. It fucking hurts. I have two scars on my arms to prove that I know what I'm talking about. You don't know burning until you've been burned twice within thirty seconds at Montana's and then you're too busy to do anything about it so you have to keep sticking your arms in hot ovens.

"That's none of your business, Mike," I warned, internally cursing Jessica
straight to the fiery pits of Hades.
She can't even write "damning" instead of "cursing." Genie sister. I'm telling you. Or like, the bastard child of Mary-Anne from Gilligan's Island and the chick Mrs. Moen told us about who was 17 and didn't know where babies come from.

"He looks at you like… like you're something to eat," he continued, ignoring me.
I choked back the hysteria that threatened to explode, but a small giggle
managed to get out despite my efforts. He glowered at me. I waved and fled to
the locker room.
I get why Bella would think it was funny but...seriously, why is that funny? "My boyfriend wants to eat me! Hooray!" It's like dating Alferd Packer.

We walked in silence — a furious, embarrassed silence on my part — to his car.
It amazes me that the definition of "chagrin" is basically anger mixed with embarrassment, and Smeyer had a prime opportunity to use the word again. She probably just wanted to up her word count.

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you." His eyes burned with sincerity for a protracted
moment — playing havoc with the rhythm of my heart — and then turned
playful.
Maybe she just has arrhythmia and she's actually going to die if she doesn't get medical attention.

Shit. Shit. The incessant questioning of Bella is coming up soon. Shit.

Okay, this stuff about Bella dreaming about Edward is completely messed up. Logically, you would dream about what you think about the most, yes? That's not always true. I've only dreamed about Supernatural once and The X-Files twice, even during the two month or so period when I was obsessed with The X-Files. I've actually dreamed about making out with guys that I HATED. So yeah. Fuck you, Smeyer.

How ghastly it would be, I thought, shuddering, if Charlie had even the slightest
inkling of exactly what I did like.
Yeah. Yeah, it would be horrible if someone found out that their daughter liked abusive, controlling guys who bruised them all over during sex.

Goddammit. The infamous wish-fulfillment questioning part!

"What's your favorite color today?" He was still solemn.
"Probably brown." I tended to dress according to my mood.
So...she feels like shit? Okay.

He snorted, dropping his serious expression. "Brown?" he asked skeptically.
"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown —
tree trunks, rocks, dirt — is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," I
complained.
He seemed fascinated by my little rant. He considered for a moment, staring into
my eyes.
Why in the world is that fascinating? She's whining about nature. BOO HOO HOO.

Bella and Edward own the same CD. I thought it was The Who, but this is the Twiverse, so it's probably Muse. Maybe Linkin Park.

What kind of flowers does she like, her favourite gemstone, places she wanted to go, favourite books SHUT UP NO ONE CARES.

As soon as the room was dark, there was
the same electric spark, the same restless craving to stretch my hand across the
short space and touch his cold skin, as yesterday.
If I didn't know from Midnight Sun that they were watching Lorenzo's Oil, I would have assumed they were watching that Chem video. The shower scene can make anyone horny.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars."
You are so deep.

I just love Jacob here and in New Moon. I can only assume the only reason she turned him into a date raping pedophiliac is because she wanted to further highlight Edward's fabulosity, by making everyone so far inferior. This is the same technique Jack Chick uses in his tracts. He makes the antagonists (people who believe evolution, Muslims, gays, etc.) so despicable that the people who read his tracts have no choice but to side with the Fundies.

Chapter 12- Balancing

"And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella
again," he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge
of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach.
This is so ominous in light of what's to come in New Moon.

"Nice ride." Jacob's voice was admiring.
Yes. Yes, those Volvos are just awesome.

I didn't hesitate this time, climbing in the passenger side quickly, the sooner to
see his face. He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my
heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was
nothing about him that could be improved upon.
URGH! Nothing but his abusive tendencies.

"If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm
going to take whatever precautions I can." His face grew morose… and pleading.
"You can always cancel, you know."
Wait. Wait. Didn't he offer to drive her to Seattle? Then why is he acting like she asked him? Edward Cullen is such a douchebag.

I'm bored. I DEMAND MORE EMMETT.

I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come,
but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.
ALHSDFJHASDFJKSDFKADFSKLO'PAS;;SDFJHLA

"For you it is a challenge." His jaw hardened.
"Casey, your jaw looks like it was chiselled by Michaelangelo himself." You know what this story needs? Adam Baldwin. He makes everything better.

We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or
his instincts.
Yeah, of course it all depends on the man.

My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen,
and I was committed to seeing it through.
Ha. HA. Remember how Smeyer's all, "Bella's not anti-feminist. She CHOOSES this life!" Um, someone should read her this line. Clearly, she doesn't have a choice at all.

Edward went to Bella's house to drive her truck back to school because he was going to be gone. You know how he did it? BECAUSE HE PICKED HER POCKET AND STOLE HER KEY OMG STOLE HER KEY SERIOUSLY.

Besides, since I'd come to
Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him.
Look at this. LOOK AT THIS. I have no idea how Smeyer can defend her books and say they are not anti-feminist.

I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before.
OMG, what could it be? Is she taking sleeping pills? Valium? Xanax?

I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for
a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself,
but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep
deprivation on top of everything else.
LOLOLOLOLOL HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I'm sorry, but this is so unintentionally hilarious. UNNECESSARY COLD MEDICINE LOL WHAT. She's talking as if she just took a shitload of Valium or something illegal. Fuck, probably 90% of people on the class trip to France took Gravol to help them sleep on the plane. My GOD, Smeyer really does not live in the real world. I think this was an attempt to make Bella seem "gritty" but wow, did it backfire.

I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug
use.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. GRATUITOUS DRUG USE, FTW.

"Good morning," he chuckled.
"What's wrong?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything
important, like shoes, or pants.
"We match." He laughed again. I realized he had a long, light tan sweater on,
with a white collar showing underneath, and blue jeans. I laughed with him,
hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like a runway model
when I couldn't?
Good God. GET AWAY BELLA, BEIGE IS APPARENTLY CATCHING.

"No one knows you're with me?" Angrily, now.
"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"
"That's very helpful, Bella," he snapped.
I pretended I didn't hear that.
"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" he demanded when
I ignored him.
"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," I
reminded him.
"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me— if you don't come
home?" His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.
Remember when you "Just got over it" in Eclipse? Settle. Take a fucking Valium, buddy. Oh wait...THAT'S GRATUITOUS DRUG USE.

Okay. This is my FAVOURITE paragraph. Ever. In the whole series. Including any of the WTFery in Breaking Dawn.
He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a
gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the
smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of
his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing
clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was
no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
Okay, so...I've never seen a guy's button down collared shirt that is sleeveless. Unless gays were wearing them. In addition, wearing it unbuttoned is just douchey. Like when I was watching "The Crawling Hand" and the one scientist had like five buttons open. No. Just no.

Damn, the chapter ends right before the sparkling. Oh well.