Breaking Dawn Chapters 13 and 14

Chapter 13- Good Thing I've Got a Strong Stomach

They [Bella and Edward] stared into each other's eyes, but not in a gooey way.
Yeah right.

Of course we all felt bad for her, we weren't monsters – in that sense, anyway.
Comma splice. GODDAMMIT, Smeyer.

More Jacob emo.

Bella has to drink blood. Why is everyone watching her?

"That's a good thing," Rosalie told Bella eagerly. "That means we're on the right
track. Give it a try." Given Blondie's new expression, I was surprised she didn't
break into a touchdown dance.
Oh, the mental images.

She sipped at it for a second, and then moaned quietly with her eyes still closed.
Is she having an orgasm or something?

She looked over with another weary smile for me. "Jake's a crack-up," she
agreed.
I believe this is the second time Smeyer's used the phrase "crack-up". TEENAGERS DO NOT TALK LIKE THIS.

This whole blood drinking sequence is just gross.

Leah flew into the small open space where Seth waited. She raked her claws into
the dirt, spinning out like a race car.
Got your back, bro.
I might love her.

Anyhoo, some werewolves are coming and Seth, Leah, and Jacob are going to attack them and for some reason the vamps aren't helping.

Some redshirt werewolves that no one cares about are talking to Jacob to try to convince him to come back.

Leah speaking:
Give me a break, Jacob. You can phase in front of me. Despite my best efforts,
I've seen you naked before – doesn't do much for me, so no worries.

Honestly, there's like nothing to say in this chapter.

She met his gaze, her muzzle pulling back a little over her teeth.
Okay, this doesn't make sense. The muzzle is the snout, which is why when animals are muzzled, they have an apparatus over their whole mouth. I think she means that the lips pulled back over the teeth.

"Sam told me to beg. He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to.
He wants you home, Lee-lee, where you belong."
That's so low. Everyone knows he doesn't really care about her, not anymore. He's a lying liar. Who lies.

I saw Leah flinch when Jared used Sam's old nickname for her. And then, when
he added those last three words, her hackles rose and she was yowling a long
stream of snarls through her teeth. I didn't have to be in her head to hear the
cussing-out she was giving him, and neither did he. You could almost hear the
exact words she was using.
I waited till she was done. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Leah
belongs wherever she wants to be."
Okay, I kind of like her.

Doesn't Jacob have school? Seriously.

Jacob wonders why Embry didn't go talk to Jacob, and Leah (maybe? It's really hard to tell) says that Sam didn't send Embry because Embry might leave and join Jacob's pack. Sam is trying to stop their pack from getting any bigger.

Theyarevampires, I guess, Seth allowed after a minute, compensating for Leah's
reaction. /mean, it makes sense. And if it helps Bella, it's a good thing, right?
Both Leah and I stared at him.
What?
Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby,Leah told me.
On his head, apparently.
He used to gnaw on the crib bars, too.
Lead paint?
Looks like itshe thought.
Also kind of funny. Wow. I'm beginning to wish she would write from Jacob's POV all the time.

Chapter 14- You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude To Vampires

I shook the clothes out, snapping them against a tree to beat some of the smell
from them.
Because that usually works.

She was wrapped up like a burrito in a couple of thick quilts, so at
least they'd listened to me before.
I have never heard that simile before.

Edward seemed to be in agreement with my thoughts – we were on the same
wavelength so much lately it was crazy.
You know what would be awesome? If these two suddenly realized they were gay...for each other. It certainly sounds like it.

"Where's the flood, mutt?" Rosalie muttered.
Fire. Where's the fire.

I snorted. Vampire mother hen – bizarre.
No kidding.

Alice rarely allows us to wear the same thing twice.
Yeah, whatever. You know, the little Third World children only make those clothes so you just go ahead and wear them once and then throw them away. Also, I'm sure the environment can take it.

Dear God. There are over 500 pages left. I don't know how I'm going to do this.

Ew ew ew ew ew. The baby is breaking her bones now.

"S'not."
Well, blow your nose then.

Also, for some weird reason it hurts Alice's head to watch Bella. The fetus is doing something, I don't know.

This is probably the most boring book thus far. I know I said before that I wanted it to be in Jacob's POV but Bella's provides lulz. Jacob's POV is funnier but less lulzy. I can't win.

Esme bothers me.

YES, we're done.