Eclipse Chapters 5 and 6

Chapter 5- Imprint

Weird Words
Jazzed

I can't stand how Bella keeps leading Jacob on. She doesn't say anything when Jacob holds her hand.

Oh, Quil. YAY, imprinting!

He looked up at me swiftly, hearing the double edge in my words. “Will he be mad at you?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “He really hates it when I do things he considers . . . risky.”
“Like hanging out with werewolves.”
“Yeah.”
Jacob shrugged. “So don’t go back. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“That’s a great idea,” I grumbled. “Because then he would come looking for me.”

How is he a good boyfriend? HOW IS THAT ATTRACTIVE? ASDKJFASK;DJH.

Okay, werewolf drama. Leah (Harry's daughter, remember? Neither do I) and Sam were high school sweethearts. Gasp, but he's with EMILY now? WHAT HAPPENED. I know what happened, but I will drag this out for my non readers.

I supposed it was silly for me to imagine that Sam had never loved anyone before Emily. Most people fall in and out of love many times in their lives. It was just that I’d seen Sam with Emily, and I couldn’t imagine him with someone else. The way he looked at her . . . well, it reminded me of a look I’d seen sometimes in Edward’s eyes — when he was looking at me.

What look would that be? The look of a stalker? The look of a psycho? Please, tell me.

Jacob laughed again. “Sam’s hand felt like he’d left it sitting on a hot stovetop.” That happens to me all the time. I just accidentally set my hand on a stovetop and it takes me a while to realize it. It kind of sucks.

He was so close, I could feel his warm breath. I reached up casually, to take his hand away and free my face, but wound my fingers through his so that I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. If you don't love him, why are you leading him on?

I have no idea why this story has to be dragged out sooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuch.

“You . . . can’t . . . grow up?” I said blankly. “You’re what? Not . . .aging ? Is that a joke?”
“Nope.” He popped his lips on the P.
I felt blood flood my face. Tears — tears of rage — filled my eyes. My teeth mashed together with an audible grinding sound.
“Bella? What did I say?”
I was on my feet again, my hands balled up into fists, my whole frame shaking.
“You. Are. Not. Aging,” I growled through my teeth.
Jacob tugged my arm gently, trying to make me sit. “None of us are. What’s wrong with you?”
“Am I the only one who has to getold ? I get older every stinking day!” I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air.

Oh dear GOD, you drama queen. And then she goes on to call her fit "Charlie-esque". Oh, like HELL, Bella. Charlie is pretty much the calmest guy I've ever seen in fiction, except when he's completely justified, such as when Bella FLED THE COUNTRY FOR THREE DAYS TO STOP HER BOYFRIEND FROM PUBLIC SPARKLING. Or when she's in an abusive relationship with a guy.

“Damnit! What kind of world is this? Where’s the
justice ?”
“Take it easy, Bella.”
“Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!”

URGH.

“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.” Hee, I love you Jacob.

The werewolves randomly age rapidly when they start to phase. Why? What could possibly be the point of that? Does Smeyer have a hard on for like, people with progeria, or something?

Okay, back to the original story. Emily is Leah's cousin and she came down to visit. And, Sam imprinted on her. Imprinting is how werewolves find their mates. Their soul mates. They look at someone and they know they're supposed to be with them forever. And Sam spurned Leah and she hates him now. And he hates the vampires because its the vampires' fault that he phased and made him cuckold Leah. That seems...extreme? I mean, I think it's mostly his fault.

Sam and Emily were utterlyright
together, two puzzle pieces, shaped for each other exactly. Still . . . how had Emily gotten past the fact that he’d belonged to someone else? Her sister, almost.
“She was real angry, in the beginning. But it’s hard to resist that level of commitment and adoration.”
Jacob sighed. “And then, Sam could tell her everything. There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half.

If two people were completely right for each other, wouldn't that be so boring? Isn't conflict what makes relationships interesting? And of course Emily had no choice in this at all. At least Sam feels like an asshole, because he is. It just reminds me of that "Hitler Was Not Dazzled By Breaking Dawn" where he's like, "And don't even get me started on poor, screwed over Leah!"

“Yeah, Leah got the worst end of the stick,” he agreed. “She puts on a brave face. She’s going to be a bridesmaid.” Way to shove the knife in deeper.

“How did that work out for Jared?” I asked to break the silence.
“No drama there. It was just a girl he’d sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. She’d had a huge crush on him. She’d had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary.” He laughed mockingly. Because Jared and Kim are twelve years old.

They're talking about how the werewolves can all hear each others' thoughts:
“It’s awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you’re ashamed of, laid out for everyone to
see.” He shuddered.
“It sounds horrible,” I whispered. Isn't that what Bella was wishing for? That Edward could see her every thought? Does Smeyer know what "continuity" means?

“Oh, no. Edward’s never in my head. He only wishes.”
Jacob’s expression became confused.
“He can’t hear me,” I explained, my voice a tiny bit smug from old habit. “I’m the only one like that, for him. We don’t knowwhy he can’t.”
“Weird,” Jacob said.
“Yeah.” The smugness faded. “It probably means there’s something wrong with my brain,” I admitted. Or it could mean that you're normal. You should be HAPPY he can't see your thoughts. I have to, and as a result, I hate you with the fire of a thousand burning suns.

“What are you thinking about?” he murmured.
“The sun.”

"In a few hours, the sun will rise!"
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"Hey look! I was right about the sun!"

“Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were
thinking something that bothered Edward.”Bothered wasn’t quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.
Jacob’s face brightened with understanding, and he laughed. “I was just thinking about you. Didn’t like that much, did he?” Wait...you didn't know this already?

Chapter 6- Switzerland

Holy CRAP. EDWARD IS TAILING HER. HE'S FOLLOWING HER LIKE A CREEPER WITH ROAD RAGE.

It came out of nowhere. One minute there was nothing but bright highway in my rearview mirror. The next minute, the sun was glinting off a silver Volvo right on my tail.
“Aw, crap,” I whimpered.
I considered pulling over. But I was too much of a coward to face him right away. I’d been counting on some prep time . . . and having Charlie nearby as a buffer. At least that would force him to keep his voice down.
The Volvo followed inches behind me. I kept my eyes on the road ahead.
Chicken through and through, I drove straight to Angela’s without once meeting the gaze I could feel burning a hole in my mirror.

Is that...supposed to be romantic? BECAUSE IT IS SO SCARY. I can't remember what Dean Koontz book it is, but reminds me of the one where this ax murderer follows this couple across the country to kill them. NOT HOT.

“I’ll see you later,” Ben promised. “Miss you already.”
He threw his arm around Angela’s neck and pulled her face down to his height so that he could kiss her enthusiastically. After a second of this, Austin honked again.
“’Bye, Ang! Love you!” Ben shouted as he dashed past me.

See, that is cute. That is what teenage love should be. Not this psycho stalker crap.

“You’re lucky Edward has his brothers for all the hiking and camping. I don’t know what I’d do if Ben didn’t have Austin for the guy stuff.” Because the little women can't hike and camp, are you CRAZY? They're too delicate and feminine!

“Hey, Bella! You survived,” Ben greeted me quickly before going to take my place by Angela. He eyed our work. “Nice job. Too bad there’s nothing left to do, I would have . . .” He let the thought trail off, and then restarted excitedly. “Ang, I can’t believe you missed this one! It was awesome. There was this final fight sequence — the choreography was unbelievable! This one guy — well, you’re going to have to see it to know what I’m talking about —”

I changed my mind about Angela and Ben. They're relationship either seems like they're an old married couple, which I guess could be cute, or like he's a small child and she's his long suffering mother. If I don't think about this too much, it won't squick me out.

I was jumpy on the way out to my truck, but the street was empty. I spent the whole drive glancing anxiously in all my mirrors, but there was never any sign of the silver car.

This is just...unhealthy and weird and creepy.

“I’m going to go study,” I announced glumly as I headed up the stairs.
“See you later,” Charlie called after me.
If I survive, I thought to myself.

In what universe is that romantic? In what universe is that a desirable trait in a boyfriend? I just...ARGH.

His face could have been carved from stone. As you state every FREAKING chance you get!

Anyhoo, Edward's all pissed and he's being condescending and treating her like a misbehaving child.

“I’m sorry I made you anxious,” I muttered. ARGH YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM. I'm not a radical feminist but I am this close to throwing away my razors and buying some Gertrude Stein.

“That’s ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn’t see me with Jacob, but you should have known —”
“But I didn’t,” he broke in. “And you can’t expect me to let you —”
“Oh, yes, I can,” I interrupted him. “That’s exactly what I expect —”
“This won’t happen again.”
“That’s right! Because you’re not going to overreact next time.”
“Because there isn’t going to be a next time.”
“I understand when you have to leave, even if I don’t like it —”
“That’s not the same. I’m not risking my life.”
“Neither am I.”
“Werewolves constitute a risk.”
“I disagree.”
“I’m not negotiating this, Bella.”
“Neither am I.”

Hey, she's actually kind of standing up for herself. That's a step in the right direction, I guess.

"You are . . . well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too.”

That's actually kind of funny. I am so shocked right now.

“Switzerland,” I repeated again for emphasis. Why did she just say that?

Okay, creepy. Edward leaves on another hunting trip and Alice definitely kidnaps her. This is why I don't love Alice. And she has to kidnap Bella EVERY TIME HE LEAVES. I just...that's so frightening to me.

“Alice, don’t you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic, maybe?” Yes. YES. This is like the third time Bella has actually been sensible EVER and it all happened in this book. I don't even know what to say. For the record, Alice doesn't think it's psychotic.

My voice turned acidic. “Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.” Is this...Bella? Really? Or did she get bodysnatched? I'm so confused.

“I wish. I’m not at Charlie’s,” I said sourly. “I’m kind of being held prisoner.”
He was silent as that sunk in, and then he growled. “We’ll come and get you,” he promised in a flat voice, slipping automatically into a plural. Let the werewolves save you. Please!

“Sorry about Saturday,” I apologized. “I’ve got to hit the sack” — the couch, I corrected mentally —
“but I’ll call you again soon.”
“Are you sure they’ll let you?” he asked in a scathing tone.
“Not completely.” I sighed.

Doesn't that scare her? It scares me.

Tee hee hee.

The couch was pushed to the north wall and the stereo shoved up against the vast shelves of CDs — to make room for the colossal bed that now dominated the central space.

After my teeth were brushed and I was dressed, I grabbed a puffy feather pillow off the huge bed and dragged the gold cover to the couch. I knew I was being silly, but I didn’t care. Porsches as bribes and king-sized beds in houses where nobody slept — it was beyond irritating. I flipped off the lights and curled up on the sofa, wondering if I was too annoyed to sleep.

He follows you. He forbids you from seeing your best friend. He bribes his sister to kidnap you every time he's gone. And you're just...annoyed? Annoying is when a mosquito buzzes around your ear at night. Terrified is when your boyfriend doesn't let you have a life when he's not around.