New Moon Chapters 9 and 10

Chapter 9- Third Wheel

Weird Words
Schmuck
Joker (as an insult)

I was like a lost moon—my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation—that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity. Because all women circle around their men and are lost without them.

Bella is panicking because since she's getting better on her bike the voices in her head are stopping. Has anyone thought of the possibility that she's schizophrenic? She desperately needs a therapist.

Jacob got Bella a Valentine's present. I wonder if he likes her or something.
Jacob shook his head with mock sadness. "You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the fourteenth day of February. So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do." I started to feel uncomfortable. The words were teasing, but only on the surface. "What exactly does that entail?" I hedged. "The usual—slave for life, that kind of thing."

Jacob is way funnier than Edward. I must cherish him in New Moon, before he turns into a semi-rapist asshole in Eclipse. Has Edward said anything funny, ever? I could never be with someone who didn't make me laugh.

Bella was planning to go out with Mike and Jess and all those other inconsequential, two dimensional characters that she doesn't actually care about and Jacob gets sad so she invites him and Quil.
After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. "How about we get Angela and Ben? Or Eric and Katie?" I HATE when she does this. She just mentions new characters and then never bothers to flesh them out.
"Are you sure you don't want to see Tomorrow and Forever instead?" he asked at lunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office. "Rotten Tomatoes gave it a better review."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T SULLY ROTTEN TOMATOES FOR ME! NOOOOOOO. I have to go cry now.
"Then again," Jacob said thoughtfully, "sometimes persistence pays off." This has ominous significance in light of what is to come.

So anyway, only Mike, Jacob, Bella, Angela, and Ben could go on this outing but now Angela and Ben can't. Awkward. The two of them are getting all competitive and jealous.

Bella doesn`t like music apparently. Does Edward know this? He's gonna be PISSED.

The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, four
people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me put her hands
over her eyes and turned her face into her date's chest. Of course the delicate little women can't handle a gory movie. WTF?

He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall. The way she wrote this, it sounds like the flagpole was sentient. It's like Maximum Overdrive, but with flagpoles. Anyway, both of the guys have their arms on the armrest with the palm up, as if waiting for Bella to take their hand. Yes, she's so plain. That's why every guy she comes into contact with falls in love with her. Mike is so freaked out by the blood that he goes and pukes. Bella and Jacob sit on a bench and he puts his arm around her but doesn't care when she rejects him.

Bella tells Jacob that she likes him the best out of all her friends.

He grinned down at me. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best.
And you think I'm good-looking—sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly
persistent."

He's kind of weirdly charming. So it's just a matter of time before he changes into a crazy stalker. Smeyer is incapable of creating sympathetic characters.

And they have a weird conversation with Jacob saying basically he has lots of time and he won't stop pursuing Bella, even though she makes it clear that she only likes him as a friend.

Turns out Mike had the stomach flu. Good thing Bella didn't hold his hand. They got home and Jacob says that he feels weird.

"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help
anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you
down—I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny.
But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?" This breaks my heart, because she will never like him, and also he turns into a douchebag. I want to stop loving him BUT I CAN'T.

"Call me!" I yelled as he pulled away. This is just weird and out of nowhere.

How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and -
blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me
free of any blame now. That's...weird. Also, it reminds me of how Tara was like in My Immortal, "No, Gerard and I aren't related but I wish we were because he is so sexy."

Bella is covered in issues.

Now Bella has the flu and apparently Jacob has it as well. But he doesn't think it's the stomach flu. Dun dun DUN. I already know what it is.

Chapter 10- The Meadow

Weird Words
Perforated (as an adjective, describing herself)

Apparently Jacob has mono.

All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which
was clearly not the case with Jake. Duh, it's airborne, bitch. You don't know anything.

She can't visit her OTHER man so now all the pain comes back because she can't function on her own. And it's not mono, it's a different virus.

"He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles—I think they were going to
catch a double feature or something. He's gone for the whole day." Fifties time warp, FTW!

She's all freaked out because she thinks Jacob decided to give up on her.

I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought. She's such a bitch. Why does she have so many friends?

She's going to find the meadow again by herself but she doesn't hear Edward's voice.

And she finds Laurent, part of James' coven and she's happy to see him despite the fact that he wants to eat her. She's all happy because the meadow is a magical place again because a vampire is in it.

Apparently, all "good" vampires have gold eyes, and all the bad ones have normal eyes. At their time of changing, how do they know the vampires will be good? The Cullens have golden eyes but there's no way of knowing whether they'll be good or not, so how do they automatically get golden eyes?

I have no idea why Bella is having a conversation with Laurent. It's just really really random. Also, Laurent is going to kill Bella. Why is she still there? Victoria wants to kill Bella because Edward killed James.

"He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this." You know what? What this story needs is MORE tropes.

And look, the giant bear comes to save the day! But it's not really a bear, it's something else. Do I really have to say it? Okay, it's a wolf. That is apparently bigger than a bear. And they chased Laurent away. I WONDER WHAT THESE MYSTERIOUS WOLVES ARE.