My Old Journals

While visiting home, I came across four of my old journals that I kept from the ages of 13-15. What have I learned from them? I was a psychotic little kid, for one. Anyway, here I present excerpts, retelling of the stories I found, and other fun things.

Journal #1 - 2004
Grade 9
Age 14

This journal I received at Heidi’s birthday party. It’s mostly drawings and other stupid stuff, and very little writing. I had this journal in the middle of my Beatles phase, which is probably why Danielle wrote, “To Robin, Love George Harrison” in it, and there are like three pages where she practices forging the Beatles’ signatures. There’s a really bad John Lennon portrait by me, and Danielle says that she thought Mafia was spelled “Mophia.” Danielle and I played Hangman, and her puzzle was “Magical Mystery Tour.” Then there are a bunch of those games where you write TRUE LOVE and then count how many T’s are in two people’s names and then R and then so on, and then count them up and you find out what percentage of either Lovers, Friends, Affair, Marriage, Enemies, and Sex they are. The pairings are as follows:

Jonas (my brother) and Desarae (my sister’s friend): 99% lovers.
Stacey (my friend) and Elvis Presley: 87% Affair.
Stacey and Louis Armstrong: 85% lovers.
Me and Elvis: 98% marriage.
Danielle and John Lennon: 410% friends.
Me and George Harrison: 107% lovers.
Danielle and George Harrison: 810% lovers.

Then Danielle and I spell the Beatles’ names backwards, for whatever reason. They’re actually kind of funny. Then I do the same thing for my friends and family. The next page has Danielle and myself playing Tic Tac Toe, and the score apparently was 4-1 for Danielle.

More pairings:
Me and Eric Clapton: 85% marriage
Stacey and Ozzy: 75% marriage.

Some more really strange Beatles doodles by me. I drew a stick figure of who I assume must have been Ringo but looks like Mario with a fro.

Then Jessica and I played a game where you make a doodle but you each take turns adding things. One of them is the devil holding what appears to be a large ham and a Christmas tree sitting on a cloud with eyes and a sign that says “Do Not Feed Things.” The other one is a large, acne-ridden goblin with Superman’s cape who is apparently also the tooth fairy. More pairings:

Lindsay (my sister) and Aidan (her then boyfriend): 65% lovers
Me and Ginger Baker: 95% lovers
Me and Jack Bruce: 84% lovers
Jonas and Yoko Ono: 47% lovers
Jonas and Jane Asher: 75% lovers
Jonas and Heather McCartney: 116% marriage

There are a lot more pairing Jonas which each of the Beatles wives and Lindsay with each member of Cream. Ha ha, for some reason I paired Maria with the Uruk Hai and she got 42% lovers.

Really scary doodle of an eye crying. Also a quiz that says “Which Sheatle Are You?” and it took me awhile to figure it out but it’s a quiz to see if you’re more like me, Danielle, or Stacey. Presumably “Sheatles” was some kind of tribute band we were planning. That’s actually a pretty good name. Here are the questions that lead to each person:

Danielle:
You are a nerd.
You don’t care about clothes.
You don’t like interacting with cool people.

Stacey:
You care about your appearance and clothes.
You are the coolest one in your group.
You feel disappointed when others don’t like you.

Robin:
You like being different.
You revel in your oddness.
You hate any form of organized physical activity.

More doodles of: eyeballs, Mr. Popojuice, my dog, toilet paper, and a moon.

My favourite quotes, which apparently were:
“We’re all right unless they learn to open doors!” - Jurassic Park
“No ticket!” - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
“The Beatles were pressurized into writing a hit single for Decca.” - Blooper in A Hard Day’s Write.

More doodles of my dog, Heidi, and eyeballs.

List of scales for piano. I guess this was the year I did my grade 7 exam. I had to know a shitload of scales and the four note form, arpeggio, dominant 7th solid and broken, and dominant 7th arpeggio for each of them. I’m so glad I’m done with scales.

Journal #2:
Age 13
Grade 8
I was really specific here. This journal was created Thursday, May 13th, 2004, at 9:18 and 25 seconds PM.

Apparently Jessica cried when Heidi and I were on her gym team. I kind of remember that but not really. But I mean, I was bad, but holy shit it’s nothing to cry over.

Things to Do:
Figure out what stain on hand is. (I don’t remember this).

There’s A LOT of bitching about my sister here. I guess I really didn’t like her back then, but after she moved away we were fine.

I also keep talking about stopping being friends with Jessica a lot. I don’t ever remember this.

Then I talk about each group in our school, which apparently are the jocks, geeks, punks, druggies, The A Group, and the nerds.

Then I go on this big rant about my sister’s old singing teacher, and I taped a picture of him inside my journal and drew horns and triangle glasses on it. I also call him a “crapped up crapper”. I was an angry child. There’s something in here that I do remember though. I used to go to Lindsay’s singing lessons because I accompanied her, and I played a song for him and he’s like, “That’s a nice one. Do you want to learn to play it?” Even though I was a moron back then, I still think that’s a stupid thing to say. Like, I just played the song for you, dude. I already know it.

There’s actually a kind of good portrait of Ringo in here.

I was REALLY angry in this book. There are lots of rants about people in my school and the popular people.

Oh yeah, I went on a rant about something that I still think is stupid. I went cruising with Krystin and Danielle and my mom flipped out. I got in SO MUCH trouble for that. I mean, we went around listening to the Beach Boys and, inexplicably "The Hair of the Dog" over and over again. It’s not a huge deal. What I really find hilarious is when I wrote, “Krystin is more of a goodie goodie than I am”. I find this funny, considering she just had a baby at 19 or whatever.

My top ten list of hottest guys:
1. Orlando Bloom.
2. Heath Ledger.
3. Ringo Starr in that one picture (not sure what picture that is)
4. Jon Peter Lewis (he was the guy who sold pens and was on American Idol)
5. Trevor Mahon (he was in this YM contest)
6. TJ Berron (also in a YM contest. I believe he was the Hawaiian guy)
7. Ben Affleck.
8. Sean Connery in Bond.
9. The guy in What A Girl Wants
10. Faramir

Top 10 list of ugliest guys:
1. Frankie Muniz
2. Timothy Dalton
3. Tyler McLean
4. Luke Hedrick (who is this person?)
5. Matt Sobel (again, not too sure who this is)
6. Viggo Mortensen
7. Justin Timberlake
8. Sheldon King (Sheldon was only at my school for a year. The only thing I remember about him is that he spat in some apple crisp his group made in home ec. and he got in A LOT of trouble.)
9. Nick Lachey
10. Mr. Ruetz (this was my gym teacher. I think this was the year I fucking HATED that guy, and Heidi and I thought he was a pervert for some reason)

I also do a top ten list of prettiest and ugliest girls, and the one that confuses me is number 6 on the ugliest girls: “Olga something in the train picture.” I have no idea what this means.

Top 10 greatest movies:
1. Fiddler on the Roof
2. Rush Hour 1 and 2
3. Shanghai Noon
4. Shanghai Knights (I guess I REALLY loved Jackie Chan back then)
5. LOTR 1, 2, 3
6. 10 Things I Hate About You
7. Independence Day
8. Hard Day’s Night
9. Tremors
10. Space Cowboys

Top 10 greatest books:
1. Princess Diaries 1, 3, 4
2. The Love You Make (Beatles bio)
3. A Hard Day’s Write
4. Watership Down
5. The Big Four
6. LOTR 1
7. Murder on the Links
8. Any Bathroom Reader
9. Dracula
10. The Bellmaker

Something else that confuses me is Toxic is number 4 on my list of favourite songs. I’m not sure if I meant this ironically.

Then I go on this huge rant about Danielle. I don’t remember this fight, but I call her a “frick face” which I find funny.

Top 3 list of people I hate:
1. Ann (I don’t know who this is)
2. Tyler
3. Mr. Ruetz

I keep talking about how ugly Tyler is and how much I hate him, but we become really good friends the next year. Weird how that works. I’m pretty sure the catalyst was when he pissed me off in gym class and I threw a basketball at his head. I remember being friends with him after this.

Oh right, I remember Ann now! She was this exchange student who lived with Danielle but they didn’t get along so she moved out. Danielle invited her along to my birthday but she’s all, “I don’t go to little kid’s birthdays.” I think she was one or two years older than me.

FAVES:
Teacher - Popo (Ah, Popo. I loved his English classes)
Subject - Computers
Word- Aristocracy
LOTR character- Gimli, Pippin, Legolas
Archie character- Jughead, Pop Tate (I never remember having any kind of feeling one way or the other about Pop Tate. Strange)
X-man- Nightcrawler
Comic villain- Venom, Catwoman
Board game- Balderdash, King Oil (I fucking KILL at King Oil. I love that game. I also love Balderdash but I’m not very good at it. However, my best moment was I can’t remember what the word was but my definition was “an honorific for the leader of an African tribe” and no one believed that anyone at the table knew the word “honorific” so I got like three votes. I kind of fucked myself over after that because if I used any long words everyone assumed it was my definition)

Agatha Christie Detectives in order From Fave to Least Fave:
Poirot
Tommy and Tuppence
Parker Pyne/Satterthwaite (who the hell is Satterthwaite?)
Miss Marple

Then there are some sketches of the Ninja Turtles.

Journal #3: Started in June 21st, 2005
Age 14
Grade 9

Ha ha, here’s a funny story. That was the year Heidi had to get surgery on her knee and she told everyone she was going to but then she didn’t. Apparently the guys were asking why she didn’t get surgery and she said she had to get tests.
Tyler: You got a tattoo instead?
Heidi: Tests!
Tyler: Tests?
Bryce: Tests!
Tyler: Tests!

Then I wrote about how Ian commented on my blog and was telling me how to indent (which I still don’t know, four years later). He wrote something like, “So you want the mad indenting skillz for sending props to the FL ghetto? Definitely not for the weak of heart, but pull a double McTwist (a la Tony Hawk pro skating series) and press the A and B buttons simultaneously until your keyboard shows signs of physical wear. If that doesn’t work and you still have a useable keyboard, check out [some kind of HTML thing].”

Apparently Heidi was trying to say “humongous” and big at the same time and was like, “It’s frickin’ hubigous!” She also apparently drew a target on my neck and heroin tracks on my arm that day. She went through this thing where she would draw on my neck and once she drew this whole landscape pictures on my neck and part of my back, and I was like, “erase it!” so she rubbed it with her thumbs and it really hurt and she’s like, “It’s like my thumbs are erasers!” We had such good times.

This was the year we had Gibney as a band teacher. I remember being so disappointed because I didn’t get the band award, and Kaitlin got it instead. I fucking HATED sitting by Kaitlin because she always kicked me and was the most annoying girl ever. Gibney said some people needed a “boost” which is why I didn’t get it. Yeah, okay, I don’t think Kaitlin needed a boost.

More angry ranting about Lindsay. You know, these journals were in my time capsule that I keep in my closet but I really think I need to hide them. I think both mom and Lindsay would hate me forever if they found these. I also call Lindsay a “shit weasel”. I was really creative with these names.

The worst fight Lindsay and I ever had is when she came in to my room for some reason and smashed my CD player and a CD that was inside and then ripped up some of my posters. This whole thing was bullshit because she didn’t get in any trouble but I got in SO MUCH shit for ripping pages out of her journal. Like A LOT. My dad yelled at me for like twenty minutes and my mom got really mad at me. I got revenge by replacing her perfume with toilet water and sticking her tooth brush in the toilet. Good times. I forgot why she smashed my player, but I guess she came in and turned it off, I asked her why she had to go so early (not sure why) and she took it the wrong way and came to hit me. I accidentally slashed her with my pen when I went to defend myself and she flipped out. I think the main reason I got in trouble was because I called her a fucking bitch, but she’s called me a bitch plenty of times. I’m getting angry all over again. Moving on. Although I do say, “I’m going to be the bigger person and not exact revenge” and then it was probably the next day that Katherine and I replaced her perfume with toilet water. Ha, and then the next day I wrote, “I know I said I was going to be the bigger person, but that just wasn’t fun. So I dipped her shampoo, conditioner, makeup, hat, soap, Vaseline, brush, and comb in toilet water.” I don’t remember the hat thing.

Then I write about how Maria and I were sending ecards to each other. She sent me a Father’s Day one and I sent her two gay pride ones. One says, “Miss you stud” and the other has a transvestite and says, “You bring out the girly side in me.” I totally remember this.

Then I write about camp. I went to music camp in North Dakota. I remember I listened to “Can’t Fight The Moonlight” like twenty thousand times that week. Someone would always put it on at night and press repeat. Also, like five people thought I looked like Julie Andrews.

Apparently I didn’t like Andrew at all in 2005, even though we’re really good friends now. That seems to happen to me a lot.

Ha, Heidi stole these love letters from Kerri that Zayne wrote. I still have them somewhere. They were HILARIOUS. Excerpts:
“I have a monster crush on you. A super dinosaur.”
“I love watching you fall asleep and rubbing your tummy.”
“I see you and I think, “my God, how lovely.”
“I want to serve and protect you.”
“The warmth of your body and how you radiate OUR place.”

Journal #4
January of '06
Age 15
Grade 10

Heidi and I did this thing where we gave each other missions. Here was what I had to collect on my mission:
Three pennies (got them from Caylyne)
A milk bottle (stole it from the recycle bin)
A red pen (borrowed from Kerri)
A chip (got it from Ms.) I asked for one then put it to the side and Ms was like, "Did you eat it?" and I'm like "Uh...yeah."

My marks from Heidi:
Items: 6/6
Creativity: 5/5 (Chip: Awesome)
Report: 5/5

Apparently during working in the canteen, Heidi and I did some interesting things to alleviate the boredom. Here's what Heidi did:

-Constructed a sculpture out of bottlecaps.
-Constructed a sculpture out of plastic knives.
-Made a petition to get Jonas into the canteen (I believe this was when he got kicked out for attacking this kid. Good thing, because that kid was friggin' annoying, but he got suspended for it)
-Made a list where we mark who won in milk.
-Made a Star of David out of straws.

"My tooth hurts when I eat. But my cheeks are really soft." Wtf?

And Tyler makes my top ten list of ugliest guys AGAIN, one year later! I reeeeeeeally hated that guy.

"I think Mr. Farrell is on drugs. Here are notes that we took: 'Sometimes the study of rationalization may lead to frustration but with determination we can win the nation.' Then he was speaking French with a Pakistani accent. he also took his sock, cut it, and made an arm warmers like mine and Amanda's." I remember this. Farrell is funny.

Two funny stories that are touched on in my journal. One time Heidi leaned her head toward me and was like, "Is my hair parted?" but I was like, "Is your hair burning?" The other one was she was like to me, "Tap my shoe!" and I'm like, "What?" and she's like, "TAP MY SHOE!" and I was like, "uh...okay" so I leaned down and started tapping her shoe and she's like, "what are you doing?" and I'm like, "...tapping your shoe?" and she's like, "I said 'tie my shoe.'"

I do not remember writing this AT ALL: "I want to live in Amizmiz, Morocco. I just picked a random spot on the map. People in Amizmiz must be so happy all the time because their city name is SO FUNNY." Lol I was so random.

I refer to Heidi as a "parallel parking monster."

Ha ha: "I'm going to Danielle's surprise party. She already knows."

Then I write about our Star Wars marathon. All six movies in 14 hours total.
"Maria was all confused about the characters. She saw Episode IV when she was like 6. She was like, "Which one's Obi Wan?" and we're like "Ewan McGregor." And she got this confused look on her face and was like, "So...he turns into a machine?" I laughed so hard I cried. I was like, "What?" and she oints at C3P0 and is like, "Isn't that Obi Wan?" and I'm like "Um...that's C3P0." Then Jar Jar and Qui Gon were running and Maria was like, "Oh, is that Jar Jar?" and I'm like "yeah" and then later Jar Jar was in a room with a bunch of people and Maria's like, "Which one's Jar Jar?" and I thought that was a stupid question and I'm like, "Um...the only one that's not human." Maria was like, "WHAT? You LIED to me!" I was like, "What?" and she pointed at Qui Gon and was like, "Isn't that Jar Jar?"

Stacey wrote in my journal. She said: "Robin is a huge whore who likes lesbian monkeys up her bimbom." She's such a good friend.

I made a tally of which classes I journal in. The results:
Accounting: 16
Wellness: 2 (How in the world do I journal during Wellness?)
IP: 0
Math 20: 11
History: 5
English: 0
Canteen: 1
Drama: 3
Bathroom: 1

Here's a weird dream I had: "Maria died of cancer and then I had another dream where I dreamed that. But then for some reason it was real and this hot guy was a friend of maria's and offered to drive me to the funeral and I was happy." Ha, all it takes to get over having my best friend die is having a hot guy drive me to the funeral.

Here's another dream that I really don't remember: Jonas made dog food where each piece changed your emotions in different ways. Scottie (my poodle) ate one and was attacking me so I pushed him against the wall and was holding his head against the wall and I slid jhim to the door and pushed him outside."

I also wrote about this weird thing where Ruetz was asking about band and he was saying it was too bad that people were dropping out. Why does he care? He's a fucking jock.

Ha ha: "Awesome quote: Mr. F was like, 'You aren't the first people to take Math 20 and you WON'T BE THE LAST!" Heidi turned to me and was like, 'What the hell does THAT mean?' It sounded vaguely ominous."

Okay, there's this thing I touch on in my journal that I vaguely remember. I trash talked Farrell to Heidi and like THE WHOLE CLASS heard and he got really mad at me and I was writing it in my blog and I had some hostile cmments and one guy who apparently was a "58 year old guy telling me to chill out and smoke a joint. Because after all, you are from Canada."

"Today we were watching Julius Caesar [BBC version, I assume] and Calpurnia came on and Malerie was ilke, "Is she a man?" and everyone started laughing. She's like, "No seriouslky! Weren't all actors men then?" and Popo's like, "Yeah...in Shakespeare's time!" I seriously miss the Malerieisms. They were HILARIOUS.

Band stories:
"Menzie is on something today. She told us to play Trumpeter's Lullaby and I was like, "Are we supposed to play?" because it's a Wynyard song, and she's like, "What do you mean?" while I was thinking what the hell is there for me to explain? I was like, "Are we supposed to play this, because it's a Wynyard song." She's like, "What...oh the solo? No, Tanya....where's Tanya?" and Sarah and I were just staring at her and Sarah's like, "So....are you supposed to play?" and I'm like, "I have no clue."

"After we played a song Menzie was saying how bad it was and then I was like, "I didn't think it was so bad" and she's like, "What? Who said that?" Sarah, who didn't hear me apparently, was like, "I said we slowed down at the end." Jessie and I looked at each other and burst out
laughing."

This is from the band trip to Edmonton:
"I just became a hero for going pee in the bus bathroom. I didn't want to go because I was kind of embarrassed, but the urge to pee was too overpowering. Vicky said I was her hero."

Something that confuses me. I have a list of reasons Teddy Geiger and I belong together, one of which is "Like Family Guy." Wtf? Since when? I don't, nor have I EVER liked Family Guy. I was really reaching for straws.

Wtf? I don't remember this at all: "Menzie went up to my dad and was like, "Now I know where Jonas gets his behaviour from." I don't remember that at ALL, nor do I have any idea what she's referring to. I do know that my dad doesn't like her AT ALL, and that was probably part of the reason.

"Heidi said that yesterday before math there was a grad meeting and Farrell stormed out and was like, "Get in there, hurry up" and Heidi asked Rachel what he was so mad about and apparently he was like, "Can we make ths meeting go a little longer? I have math 20 right now and I don't really like them." I can't help but think I was part of the reason he hated our class.

"Maria got St. Gerard's rep. Not sure exactly what that is but she was campaigning for it and she got it!"

"So anyway, turns out Lisa's a lesbian which came as a surprise." That was just thrown in there between talking about how mad I was at Amanda and funny Ian stories.

OMG. Okay, in accounting Amanda and I made this poem where we alternated writing lines. It was a love poem (my love was directed towards Teddy Geiger, hers to Ville Valo). It was in her journal so I never had it, but I just found it! I guess she made me another copy. Here is the poem, with who wrote what line:
R (me): Teddy Geiger is very hot.
A: Ville Valo, you're the one I want.
R: We love them both so much.
A: It's like a pig coming out of punch (no clue what this means)

A: When we're together in virtual reality
R: It's like magicality
A: When they swing their hips and move around
R: It makes me want to take you and fall to the ground (LOL)

R: Teddy, your hair is so pretty.
A: Ville, your brain is so witty.
R: I wish I had you in my pants like Justin Timberlake (NON SICK INSIDE JOKE)
A: Or in my closet, minus the Timberlake.

A: You are better than silver and gold.
R: I'm glad you're not that old.
A: YOu have a sexy body and I love your pale skin.
R: You make me want to SIN.

R: When you play guitar it's so sexy.
A: When you sing a song I get so flexy.
R: Why can't you come to my house?
A: Where I can make you squeak like a mouse?

This was a great trip through memory lane.