The Host Redux Chapters 19 and 20

Chapter 19
Abandoned

Jared is grabbing Wanderer and yelling at her, because that's what hot guys do: they browbeat defenseless women.

Ian spit and groaned.
Spat. Spat is the past tense of spit.

Jared spoke to me again, scrutinizing my face in the new illuminations, making each word a
sentence. “Who. Is. The. Seeker.”
That would be Roger Daltrey. I heard he asked Bob Dylan, The Beatles, and even Timothy Leary, but they couldn't help him.

“I don't have to hurt you,” he said quietly, not as sure of himself.
I imagine him saying this as if he was a deranged serial killer who's talking to himself like Gollum. The psychotic part is unspoken like, "I don't HAVE to hurt you...I WANT to hurt you." Pedobear is almost as big a freak as Edward is.

Was I truly a coward? I would rather have believed that I was–that my fear of pain was stronger than anything else. The real reason I opened my mouth and spoke was so much more pathetic.
I wanted to please him, this human who hated me so fiercely.
ARGH IT OFFENDS MY FEMINIST SENSIBILITIES! asfdlk;ajsdf;lahsdfkjashdfkljashfdasdf. I'm done. I'm broken.

Whenever I see the word "seeker" I think of either the Who song or Harry Potter. If I don't think too hard, I can imagine that this is some kind of deranged Harry Potter/Roger Daltrey slash fic involving Quidditch (and now I have a mental image of Pete Townshend sitting on a broomstick doing his patented windmills while trying to avoid Bludgers). It's well documented how much I hate fanfic but I think even that would be preferable to this.

He blinked, confused again. “Don't you all have to like everyone?”
“We're supposed to,” I admitted, coloring with shame.
I hate perky people. I hate people who are nice all the time. I hate people who are happy in the morning. Souls seem like they would be like this but like, ten times worse.

In this moment, my determination to hold my tongue had less to do with self-preservation
than it did with a stupid, grudging kind of pride. I wouldnot tell this man who despised me that I loved him.
This sounds like a really bad romance novel, one of those ones where the guy rapes the girl or whatever and beats her twice a week and she still loves him AGAINST ALL REASON. Shit like this makes me literally sick to my stomach.

“You're overthinking this, Ian. That's what it wants.”
At least someone's thinking.

“I feltguilty –guilty as hell–watching her flinch away from us. Seeing the black marks on her
neck.”
Bruises aren't black, you dumb shit. I've had a ton. They're blue, purple, and occasionally green or yellow. I mean, SHIT, does Smeyer do ANY basic research? AT FUCKING ALL? How can she mistake the COLOUR OF A BRUISE? It's not like she hasn't had one before, what with her hard-on for BDSM.

“Get a hold of yourself,” Jared hissed after him.
Heh. I BET HE ALREADY DOES.

“Need to talk to you,” Jeb said, huffing as he sat down across from Jared. “Hey, there,” he said
in my direction, nodding.
“You know how much I hate that,” Jared muttered.
Yeah, okay, you pussy. I'm sure everyone will change their habits and totally conform to what YOU want, just to make YOU happy, Pedobear.

Jared is magic. Jamie and I were perfectly safe while Jared's instincts guided us; we never
came close to getting caught. If it had been Jared in Chicago, I'm sure he would have made it
out fine.
WTF? He's MAGIC? Who talks like this? Does anyone talk like this? What the hell is this WTFery? So many questions but not nearly enough answers.

“I'll take over here, then. Have a safe trip.”
“Thanks. Guess I'll see you when I see you, Jeb.”
“Guess so.”
That is some great dialogue, right there.

Chapter 20
Freed

This marks the section where Pedobear is gone for a loooooong time. And thank God for that. Now if only Wanderer would disappear, things would be awesome.

I remembered that his idea of fun was usually along the lines of an armed standoff.
Sounds like a good time to me.

“Does me good to see that,” Jeb muttered. “It's like an itch you can't scratch, knowing someone is suffering under your own roof.”
Dude, I actually totally know what he means by this. I've had two fish, Dresden and Krycek. Both of them suffered from mysterious diseases. Dresden died in the night and I had to mercy kill Krycek. It felt WRONG somehow, knowing they were both suffering. I also had to leave Dead Dresden in my room while I showered and got ready and it was REALLY creepy knowing there was a dead body in my room, even if it was just a fish. But then again, Dresden was not JUST a fish. I think he was actually sentient. He totally came when he called. I'm not even joking. I'm sad he died. Krycek was prettier, but he was grumpier.

I don't understand how Wanderer can be in love with Pedobear. First of all, she doesn't even KNOW him. It confuses me just as much as when this guy got a random crush on me and thought that a mutual hatred of stoners and country music meant that we had "so much in common." I repeatedly told him he didn't even know me but he kept saying we had all this stuff in common and he knew me. It was REALLY creepy. But I digress. Second, Pedobear hits girls and he's kind of an asshole. Why would you love someone who ABSOLUTELY hates you?

He stroked the gun slung through a strap at his waist with an unconscious gesture.
Heh. I BET he did!

Pretty much my ONLY entertainment in this book is finding unintentional sexual innuendoes, and MAN are there a lot of them!

It was so easy–walking barely took any concentration at all.
But I bet she can't walk and chew gum at the same time! Which also reminds me. I went to school with THE MOST annoying chick ever. She hung around with my friends and me but none of us liked her. Anyway, one time she randomly went, "Can you guys blink and chew gum at the same time? Because I can't!" WHO CAN'T DO THAT? Seriously. Like, maybe someone with profound physical disabilities.

My muscles all locked up; I moved forward with stiff legs, unbending knees.
If you have stiff legs, it's pretty much a GIVEN that you have unbending knees. DAMMIT, Smeyer.

Side note: I'm watching The Other Boleyn girl right now, and Eric Bana plays King Henry VIII. For some reason I hate Eric Bana with a PASSION. I'm not sure why. I've only ever seen him in the dismal Hulk movie, so I guess my dislike of the movie ran deeper than I thought. But seriously, I REALLY dislike him, but there's not really a reason for it.

I wanted so badly to push Jamie's untidy hair out of his eyes and then leave my arm around his neck.
In a half-Nelson!

The end, for now.