Chapter 8
It's my understanding that there are two (possibly three) parts to the book, and part 1 is mostly action but part 2 is mostly Mike and his batshit ways, so I have hope that the novel will get better (or, you know, worse) in part 2. Right now it's mostly nonstop James Bond-ian action and I enjoyed Diamonds Are Forever so I can get on that train.
So the girl's getting raped and...
Mike turned away from the scene with apparent indifference. He was horrified and repulsed by what was happening. But, at the same time, hating himself, it turned him on. However, the sexual turn-on was close enough to rage that he could channel it and he was well prepped to explode.
Reading this, I was like, "Hey, who knew that Mike was actually a good guy?" and then I read the third sentence and was like, "...oh." See, this is why I'm confused. Should I like Mike? Should I hate him? It vacillates so quickly that I'm this close to getting whiplash.
"Dulce et decorum est," Mike murmured, looking the man in the eye as he died, "pro patria mori. You motherfucker."
I liked that poem. Also, I can't help but love how awesome Mike is sometimes, and then I remember what he's actually like. It's a strange feeling. I've never experienced that in a literary hero, ever. I guess the closest it came was Jacob in Eclipse on, where sometimes he would be awesome and then I remember the forced kissed and threatened suicide and I remember that I hate him. And there's another correlation between Ghost and Twilight. I didn't think I would find any, but here we are. You learn something new every day.
I feel physically ill from the descriptions of the rape. Why do I do this to myself? Maybe Mar is right and I'm just addicted to these recaps.
I'm just glad that these chapters are short.
I'm watching MST3K at the same time as I'm doing these recaps and Joel and the Bots are speaking in couplets but I don't know why and it's really confusing. Now Joel is doing a Kirk impression. I love that show so much.
Chapter 9
He walked over to the girl on the table, who even as fucked as she was looked pretty damned good, and looked her in the eye.
"You probably don't want to see guys at the moment or have them near you, so I'll get one of the girls to let you go," he said, nodding, then turned to the room. "Which one's got the keys?"
I just don't know what to think. He's despicable, and then he's nice."The one that was holding Rachel hostage," one of the girls in the front rank said, gesturing with her chin. "Who are you?"
"A very bad man," Mike said, stooping down and going through the guy's pockets. "Who, in this one case, is willing to be a good guy for a while. But if I don't get at least a blowjob out of this, I'm going to be mighty pissed."
Okay never mind, the despicable outweighs the awesome. I can't even make this book funny. I'm a failure. Also, I'm not sure what I think of Mike's self-deprecation. Usually I find stuff like that charming, but it just seems like Ringo is trying to make him appear better than he actually is. If Ringo's going to make a psychotic character, I would prefer he make him unrepentantly psychotic, instead of making him masquerade as a decent guy. Somehow that just makes it worse.
"How can you say something like that?" she shrieked. "You're as bad as them!"
"Yep, sure am," Mike said, standing up and holding the keys. "I was in Class 201, you weak-kneed pussies! But if you want to get out of this fucking place alive, and not end up back where you are right now, you'd all better get really damned frosty, really damned quick. Quit fucking crying, quit bitching, quit quitting on me and get GOD DAMNED FROSTY. Because right now it's just me. And I'm not going to be able to hold this damned place by myself. I'm going to need help. Even nekkid female help will do. And I'm not going to use these damned keys until I get a big 'HOOWAH' out of y'all. Because if I can't get a big hoowah, then you're totally fucking useless to me, and I'll just god damned leave you to be raped. Am I CLEAR HERE? Now let me here you give me a big HOOYAH!"
"What?" "What's hooyah?" "Who? Us?"
"HOO-YAH!"
"Ah, now there was one solid hooyah out there. You all heard it. Now, all of you, give me one great big fucking hooyah, or I'm walking out the door!"
I'm not going to lie here, the thing about the HOOYAH made me laugh out loud. It's just so redonk it becomes hilarious. But the rest of that speech...OH JOHN RINGO NO.
So now Mike's getting all the girls to help him put up barricades and stuff. I think they're still all naked. That's gotta be uncomfortable for everyone involved except probably Mike. Yup:
"I'm the only one with any firearms experience," Amy said. She'd put on one of the assault vests and Mike found the sight very fetching.
"That look really suits you," Mike said. "Really really suits you. Probably too well for my present lackanookie condition."
"Thanks," Amy said dryly. "I don't suppose there are any clothes around?"
Hey, whaddya know, a strong, smart, funny female character! What do you want to bet she'll have a personality transplant soon, a la Jacob in Eclipse?
"You've all probably got names like Jenny or Ashley or Chelsea or something. But I can't keep track. So you're getting team nicknames." He looked at the thrower and nodded. "You're Babe. For Babe Ruth. Blondie is Bambi and brownie is Thumper."
I'm just confused as to how giving them new names is easier to remember than their real names. And then Mike goes on this diatribe about how they're less than meat and if they don't listen to what he says he's gonna leave them to be raped (I accidentaly wrote "reaped" ha ha) again because Mike is such a decent human being.
I'm getting an urge to watch Bambi for some reason. It's like my weird Lion King craving, only that one was apropos of nothing.
"For medically retired you're doing pretty well," Amy said, glancing over at him.
"You should have seen me in my prime," Mike said with a chuckle. "I would have worn you out."
"Well, let me get my head together about all this," she said, gesturing over her shoulder, "and I'll be the first in line to give you head so good it stops your poor old heart."
I knew the feminism couldn't last long.
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