Ghost Chapters 10 and 11

I just had a thought this morning. You know what would probably be good to recap? Left Behind. It's perfect: There are like ten books in the series, it sounds just batshit enough to work, and fundies are always good for a laugh. I also looked for Eragon last time I went to the library but there was a creepy looking guy (like forty years old in the YA section. I don't know why) sitting on a beanbag chair right in front of the shelf where Eragon would have been. I mean, I probably could have reached it, but I was scared to go near him. He gave me this creepy look. It was really maddening because I think I got to PE and PA was so close, and yet out of my reach.

Anyhoo, Ghost.

Chapter 10

There are 37 chapters total. I don't know if I can make it through this book you guys. And there are like three or four more books which I don't think I can read.

The awesome still gets to me. Think about it: Mike's in there, alone, he killed a bunch of terrorists and liberated like 50 hostages and now the girls are running around naked and getting him ammo and shit. I mean, Goddamn. It's just crazy enough to be amazing. I mean, not the naked girls, but you know. This isn't turning out the way I wanted it to. Um.

He paused, considering the view as Bambi bent over to pull out a magazine from a pouch and sighed happily.

"You okay?" Amy asked nervously.

"Just admiring the view," Mike admitted. "Dead bad guys and naked girls. It's like an op in a titty bar. All I need is beer and steak, maybe some heavy metal or Goth music, and this would be perfect."

Oh Mike. There really is no one like you.

"What, I don't get any ammo?" Mike asked, plaintively. "After all I've done for you girls? Nobody loves me."
See? That's funny. I don't know, the like (I'm hesitant to use the word "love" in reference to Mike) is building up and I'm sure it's going to get torn down by something Mike says that is either a) grossly inappropriate, b) disgustingly sexist, or c) despicably psychotic.

This is a remarkably action packed ten chapters. After this, what can fill up the other 27 chapters? I have an idea, and it's not good. It involves planters. It will all become clear later.

I don't think I would find this ("this" being the shooting and stuff, not so much the rape and Psycho Mike) so enjoyable if I didn't have a brother and father who exposed me to stuff like James Bond, Terminator, and Indiana Jones at a young age.

Man, I just had a really good joke but I had to erase it because I misunderstood the text. Hate when that happens.

Now Mike is randomly singing songs.

"I will, Amy," Mike said. "I will. I hereby dub thee . . . Bo."

"Why Bo for God's Sake?" Amy asked, angrily. "It's better than Thumper, I suppose . . ."

"For Boadicea," Mike replied. "The Celtic warrior queen."

"Oh. In that case . . ."

"Of course, she lost," Mike added honestly. "And was dragged off to Rome in chains. But hopefully we'll do better."

You guys, I have a confession to make. I like this chapter. I KNOW, it hurts me too! But I'm sincerely enjoying it. I feel so dirty right now, you have no idea. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.

"How about poetry?" Mike asked.

"I hate poetry."

You and me both, Amy.

What the hell, Mike? Kipling's not a poet. Hey, I guess he is. You learn something new everyday.

"Mike," Amy said, quietly. "I know you're stressed and I know that things are tough, but we've really had a bad time, you know. Could you dial back on the . . ."

"Sexism?" Mike asked. "Yeah. Now I will. I needed to shock them before."

"I can tell that you're really a nice guy . . ." Amy started to say.

"Hah," Mike replied mirthlessly. "Don't be fooled. I'm a very bad man indeed."

"No, you're not," Amy said. "Quit trying to tell yourself you're . . ."

"Amy," Mike said quietly. "There are times when I don't know whether I'm going to slip all the way to the side of evil. There's bad in me you don't know. But I'll tell you this; if I didn't have . . . something that kept me on the very edge of good, I'd have happily lined up with those soldiers to rape you. And dug my fingers into your bleeding flesh to make you scream. I'm not just a little bit bad, I'm just about all the way bad. The sexist comments weren't all an act. That's how I really am when the stops are pulled out. The fake part is being a nice guy."

Amy was quiet for a time and then shook her head.

"I don't believe it," she said and then held up a hand to forestall the protest. "Yeah, okay, you have your demons. But . . . well . . . I'll get over what happened. I know I will. And, Mike, if you said you wanted to chain me to a table, just like the one in the room, and act like you were raping me, I'd do it. Because I know that I'd walk out alive and only harmed to the extent that I let you harm me. I trust you. I can just look at you and know I can trust you."

"I hate that," Mike said. "I really do. But . . . yeah, you're right."

"You've never raped a woman, have you?" Amy asked.

"Depends on the definition," Mike replied. "I don't think any of the hookers in the third world are actual volunteers. I keep that in mind when I fuck 'em. It helps."

OH JOHN RINGO NO. You just killed any goodwill I had towards you. ALL OF IT. ARE YOU HAPPY? IT'S DEAD! NOW I'M UNHAPPY. I was actually enjoying this chapter. Now it hurts inside again. If I get an ulcer, it's Ringo's fault.

At least I'm learning things. For instance, you can waterproof an underwater demo firing device with a condom. Well, I'm sure that knowledge will come in handy sometime. Also, Mike's telling a "funny story" but I won't recount it. DON'T SAY I NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU.

Mike has a severe dislike for any news channel but FOX. FOX killed Firefly, and X-Files now that I think about it. I can never like them again.

Chapter 11

Ha ha ha ha. One of the girls got onto the internet and is in a chatroom and her username is Hostage Girl.

"The following is hard to believe but true. The hostages from Athens have been . . . partially rescued..."
I love that wording. I mean, what would you call it? They're not getting raped, but they haven't escaped yet. "Partially rescued" is a great way to put it.

"He made us all give him a big yell 'hoowah,'" Heather said, shrugging and bringing nipples almost in view. "He said he needed help and if he couldn't get a big hoowah, we weren't worth saving. I think . . ." She paused and frowned, then shrugged again. "It had been . . . really terrible. Really really terrible. And a lot of the girls had just gone, like, out of it. I think he was trying to shock us back to reality or something. It helped, in a way, and I'll never think of hoowah the same again, that's for sure."

"Okay," Linda said, frowning. "I guess I wasn't there and I won't judge."

"Oh, no, judge," Heather replied. "He's like some icon of everything girls hate about men. Sexist, overbearing, foulmouthed, insensitive to an amazing degree."
This is an accurate (if somewhat understated) character sketch of Mike. And yet he is STILL portrayed as the hero. Not even an antihero. He's a BIG DAMN HERO and everyone loves him for saving them. I get being grateful to your saviour and they're all traumatized, I'm sure, but does that mean they lose ALL their scruples? I don't get Ringo.

Well, that was a remarkably boring chapter. You know what's hilarious and horrifying at the same time? Ghost won "Best Romance of 2005". Yeah.