Breaking Dawn Chapters 7 and 8

Chapter 7- Unexpected

Bella has another nightmare.

Just then, my fingers encountered something smooth and flat and stiff. Lol oh, the innuendo.

Lol this part’s funny. She gets up to make fried chicken. Now, I don’t know much about cooking chicken, but you don’t make fried chicken (like she’s thinking of) in a pan. That’s sautéed chicken. Fried chicken is deep fried, yes? Or like, breaded and roasted. I don’t know. Whatever.

The chicken tastes weird and then the smell is gross and she pukes. I WONDER WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.

Tm sorry," Edward was murmuring as he wiped a wintry hand across my
clammy forehead. "So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you
would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again."
I love how they have like, every amenity you would need: high tech appliances, a deep fryer apparently, a ginormous bed, and yet they don’t have an air conditioner even though THEY’RE IN BRAZIL.

Oh wow, she says “damn”. She must REALLY be upset.

I knew I'd never make it to the bathroom this time, so I ran
to the kitchen sink. Just like Jill! No one will get that. All you have to know about Jill is that she has Down’s Syndrome and she is the scariest person I have ever met in my life. Not because she has Down’s Syndrome, but because she is scary. Yes, she is scary because she is scary. Oh, early mornings are not good for me.

She takes like ten minutes to do some mental math and figure out that her period is late. She’s pregnant and already showing. Okay, a super super funny part is coming up next.

Edward registers the fact that she’s pregnant and then…HE COLLAPSES ON THE FLOOR AND GOES CATATONIC. Oh, my dear lord. The mental images kill me.

They mostly seemed like excuses dreamed up to explain things like infant mortality
rates – and infidelity.No, honey, I'm not having an affair! That sexy woman you
saw sneaking out of the house was an evil succubus. I'm lucky I escaped with my life! (Of course, with what I knew now about Tanya and her sisters, I suspected that some of those excuses had been nothing but fact.)
I’m sure vampire folklore was dreamed up to explain infidelity. Also, why does she think Tanya and her sisters are succubi as opposed to like, Rosalie?

Something funny. I’m like, not an incubi and succubi expert, but apparently incubi change into succubi to get their prey.

Men had no such thing as child-bearing years or cycles of fertility. Except as they get older, their sperm gets less and less viable, which is why you see a dearth of 100 year old men fathering children. We had this discussion earlier, but not to mention that a) According to Smeyer, Edward’s semen was replaced by venom so it shouldn’t work the same and b) If it is venom, having sex should turn Bella into a vampire. Ohhhh, I hate continuity!

Of course, how would anyone know if vampire men could father children, when
their partners were not able? What vampire on earth would have the restraint
necessary to test the theory with a human woman? Or the inclination?
So only one vampire in the like, thousand year plus years of vampirism had the urge to have sex with a human woman? I’m so sure. Bella is so not that special.

Part of my head was sorting through fact and memory and speculation, while the other half – the part that controlled the ability to move even the smallest muscles – was stunned beyond the capacity for normal operations.
“And half of my brain thought they were Mexican and half thought they were Chinese, and what’s left of my brain is confused!”

"Yeah. Urn. Is Carlisle there?"
Urns again. I will refrain from making the same joke.

Alice is calling because she saw the future and saw that Bella’s pregnant but really, if she can see the future, why didn’t she call earlier? She came to the same conclusion that Bella did at the exact same time, so it would seem that she can see the present, not the future. CONTINUITY, Smeyer.

Bella’s period is five days overdue. It’s gonna have to be more overdue than that to cause worry. Menstrual cycles are sometimes uneven. .

"Urn, I think Edward wants to talk to you."
Urns again.

So why was Edward so furious? He was the one who had actually wished out loud for a shotgun wedding.
Did he? When? And why would he?

Probably they'd want to figure out why I was already so pregnant, with the bump and the nudging and all of that. That wasn't normal.
No, it’s just a housewife’s dream that pregnancy would be so easy and fast.

I hoped he would have Edward's face exactly, with no interference
from mine.
I get what she’s saying here, but isn’t it a little weird that she’s wishing for her kid to look like her true love? Calling Oedipus!

It was more like my heart had grown, swollen up to twice its size in that moment.
So cheesy!

I wanted him [the baby] like I wanted air to breathe. Not a choice – a necessity. Why would there be conflict in this story? Why would Bella reject the child and then things could get interesting? Oh right, it’s a Smeyer novel.

"I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you." Bella honestly does nothing by herself.