Wow, there's a bunch of weird shit about coloured threads on the Fates' Loom, and seriously, why can't Morgan Freeman show up? He makes everything better.
Quil and Embry randomly joined Jake's pack and seriously, I'm so confused right now. How much time has passed? I have NO IDEA but it's like I'm missing a chapter or something. Sue suddenly knows about the supernatural. I don't know.
She was his second-in-command now, his "beta," as I'd called it once long ago.
Yeah, Bella. You and everyone else who knows anything about wolves.
"No one doubts you, Bella, not in the slightest," he assured me. "You know how
Jasper is – he can't resist a good emotional climate. You're so happy all the time,
love, he gravitates toward you without thinking."
What a load of crock.
Then there's a bunch of stuff about how Bella is super happy and her life is perfect and blah blah blah I DON'T CARE.
She's happy...except
By Carlisle's calculations, the growth of her body was gradually slowing; her
mind continued to race on ahead. Even if the rate of decrease held steady, she'd
still be an adult in no more than four years.
Four years. And an old woman by fifteen.
Just fifteen years of life.
Wait...I thought she randomly stopped growing when she was a teenager. I sense a continuity error.
Bella also has to go to Italy to show the Volturi that she is a vampire now and she has to do it alone for some reason, which of course Edward doesn't like because Bella can never do anything by herself.
Even in the short time I'd known Aro, I'd been able to see that he was a collector
– and his most prized treasures were hisliving pieces. He coveted beauty, talent,
and rarity in his immortal followers more than any jewel locked in his vaults. It
was unfortunate enough that he'd begun to covet Alice's and Edward's abilities. I
would give him no more reason to be jealous of Carlisle's family. Renesmee was
beautiful and gifted and unique – she was one of a kind. He could not be allowed
to see her, not even through someone's thoughts.
Poor little
Irina randomly shows up. You remember Irina. She's part of the Denali Clan. I think she's the one that refused to come to the wedding.
Renesmee and Jacob are hunting. How creepy is it that a child, who looks to be about two-ish years old is hunting and killing animals and then drinking their blood?
Anyhoo, Irina knows immediately that Jacob is the one that killed Laurent. I don't know how, since she wasn't there, but whatever.
Renesmee was every bit as alert as Jacob. Abandoning the dead stag at her feet,
she leaped into my waiting arms, pressing her curious hands against my cheeks.
Gross. Wouldn't she have blood on her hands?
Chapter 28- The Future
I have to be honest here. I'm fading fast.
Bella's going to Italy and then South America. Why is she going back to South America? I don't know.
The Amazon offered a change from our normal quarry. Jaguars and
panthers, for example.
Or even panther jaguars!
Emmett had a whim to wrestle with an anaconda.
I love Emmett.
Alice freaks out and then says that the Volturi are coming after them. ALL the Volturi.
"This isn't about Bella," Alice said hollowly. "They're all coming – Aro, Caius,
Marcus, every member of the guard, even the wives."
"The wives never leave the tower," Jasper contradicted her in a flat voice. "Never.
Not during the southern rebellion. Not when the Romanians tried to overthrow
them. Not even when they were hunting the immortal children. Never."
For ONCE it's not all about Bella. Also, the thing about the wives is a little sexist.
Bella figures out that Irina saw Renesmee and assumed she was a vampire child and she went and tattled to the Volturi.
Only 218 pages left.
Heeeey. Renesmee's age is accelerated. Maybe she has progeria. I'm going to make a list now of all the undiagnosed disorders in the Twiverse.
Bella- Dependent personality disorder
Edward- Bipolar disorder, sociopathic disorder
Jacob- Bipolar disorder, sociopathic disorder
Leah- Parkinson's Disease
Seth- Narcolepsy
Renesmee- Progeria
Someone send a therapist to Forks.
Anyway, the Cullens are making plans on what to do about the Volturi. Emmett is saying they can get all their friends together and just make the Volturi listen.
Hooooooly crap. I'm skimming, so I missed this, from chapter 27:
And I was euphoric the vast majority of the time. The days were not long enough
for me to get my fill of adoring my daughter; the nights did not have enough
hours to satisfy my need for Edward.
Wow.
Alice has a shit fit and leaves. I don't know what just happened.
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