New Moon Chapters 21 and 22

Chapter 21- Verdict

I accidentally wrote “verdicto”. I guess I am turning Latin.

Under the shrouds, their clothes were modern, pale, and nondescript. Is beige a vampire colour, then?

They keep walking through tunnels and shit and find a human woman, gasp. Her name is Gianna. There’s another beautiful (gag) boy named Alec who is maybe related to Jane somehow.
Edward turned, a low snarl building deep in his chest. Felix smiled—his hand was raised, palm up; he curled his fingers twice, inviting Edward forward. They’re going to make out later.

Anyway, they meet Aro who is different from the vampires for some reason.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" he rejoiced, clapping his thin hands together. "This is a happy surprise! Wonderful!" Cleolinda said he was kind of like a Dumbledore with dementia, but I didn’t realize to what extent.

“Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had." Well that would suck. Wouldn’t that like, kill a person? His mind would be overwhelmed like that woman who never forgets anything, except this would be exponentially worse. On Stargate SG-1, just receiving Merlin’s knowledge almost kills Daniel.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro crooned. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?" I’m just going to borrow from Cleolinda and call him Dumblevamp. Or Vampledore? Dumblepire? Or I could borrow from Tara and call him Dumblydore. He sounds like a Dumblydore, I think.

Edward turned to her and explained again in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours." That sucks HARDER. Why would you want to see relationships when you could just ask and then find out that way? These are ancient vampires, you’d think they would have awesome powers, but I am sorely disappointed so far. I wonder what Caius’ power is.

"But still—la tua cantante! What a waste!" The sweet kill?

So yeah. Aro says that he would love to eat Bella because she smells so nice in Edward’s memories and Aro wants to see if Bella can mind shield him as well. And of course she is, because Mary Sues are amazing. Aro wants to know if Bella is immune to every power so he calls Jane over to test out that theory. Edward goes to protect Bella and he ends up writhing on the floor. Fangirls immediately post pictures on deviant art. So Jane does her power (mind crush?) on Bella, who can resist her as well, because Bella is perfect. Aro asks Edward, then Alice, then Bella if they wanted to join the Volturi. I’d be like, “hells YEAH” and surprisingly Bella isn’t all excited because they want to turn her into a vamp.

Caius wants Bella dead because she knows too much. Aro will only let her live if Edward turns her into a vamp.

"Ha, ha, ha," he laughed, his head still bent forward. He looked up slowly, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was fascinating!" I think I love Aro.

And would it really matter that Alice was willing, would it make any difference if I did become a vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Edward? If death was, to him, a better alternative than having me around forever, an immortal annoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning in it… You are in a room full of vampires who want to kill you, and yet you’re thinking about how Edward doesn’t love you anymore? Bella needs to get her priorities straight. Also, EDWARD LOVES YOU HE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO TAKE YOUR IMMORTALITY ARE YOU BLIND?

Felix came forward at once, and Aro unfastened the gray cloak the huge vampire wore, pulling from his shoulders. He tossed it to Edward. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous." Edward put the long cloak on, leaving the hood down.
Aro sighed. "It suits you." DUMBLEGAY, DUMBLEGAY!

I stared up at her, frightened, but she only seemed chagrined. Hee, chagrined.

Her top was long-sleeved and high-necked, but extremely close-fitting, and constructed of red vinyl. Vinyl, seriously? Is she a hooker?

Chapter 22- Flight

So Edward, Alice, and Bella have to wait until nightfall so that the vampires can finish their conversation later when they don’t have to worry about sparkling.

His voice was rough—if velvet can be rough—with anxiety. STFU ABOUT THE FUCKING VELVET.

And swoon number…six? Yeah, I think it’s six.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested. Yes please!

To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful—insanity. Grr I NEED TO BREAK THINGS.

I think Bella has father issues. Think about it…she hasn’t lived with Charlie for a long time, she always talks about how he doesn’t know how to be a father, and so she’s with a guy that’s super older than her and can act like her father. And Jacob, as well, protects her and calls her “honey” like a dad would. This is so Freudian.

Talking about Gianna: Edward's face was hard to read. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."
I felt the blood leave my face. "She wants to be one of them?"
He nodded once, his eyes sharp on my face, watching my reaction.
I shuddered. "How can she want that?" I whispered, more to myself than really looking for an answer. Aren’t you the one who’s always whining that you want to be a vampire? THERE’S YOUR ANSWER.

The tears were too thick for me to see his face again, and that was inexcusable. If I shoot Smeyer, is that a crime if she’s caused so many people so much pain?

"The outlook is quite good," Alice assured me. She'd been so quiet, I'd almost forgotten her presence. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added in a satisfied tone.
Lucky Alice. She could trust her future. Didn’t you just go over how her visions are fallible?

Edward stared right back at me, his dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that he felt the same way. So that's what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter. Did you not just hear him say that he was excited that you two were together? WHY IS BELLA SO STUPID HEADDESK HEADDESK HEADDESK.

I'd rather he killed me now than move one inch from where I was. That’s healthy.

Here in his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he wanted me. I didn't want to think about his motivations now—about whether he acted this way to keep me calm while we were still in danger, or if he just felt guilty for where we were and relieved that he wasn't responsible for my death. Maybe the time apart had been enough that I didn't bore him for the moment. But it didn't matter. I was so much happier pretending. That is also super healthy.

And they’re basically just staring at each other without speaking, like in the movie which is so much more hilarious when you watch it than when you read it.

Also, my Italian (Latin?) is rusty (by rusty I mean nonexistent) and la tua cantante actually translates to something like “the singer” because Bella’s blood sings for Edward. Yeah okay, that’s…flattering?

So Edward keeps kissing her and Bella still thinks that he hates her.

Anyway they’re all worried and then Alec’s like, “Yeah, you guys can leave.” All that suspense with absolutely no payoff. Smeyer’s specialty.

They’re leaving now in another stolen car. What else could possibly happen in sixty pages?

Bella orders a Coke on the plane and: "Bella," Edward said disapprovingly. He knew my low tolerance for caffeine. Daddy issues, I swear to God. Bella keeps drinking pop to stay awake because…coffee is too grown up? I don’t know.

I could buy a few more hours with him at some later time—spin this out for another night, Scheherazade-style. Oh you did NOT. Do NOT drag Cameron Dokey into this. I LOVE HER. Edited: It's 11:13 and I just had a thought. Okay, I read Cameron Dokey's version of 1001 Nights when I was younger and I LOVED it. I remember thinking that it was so romantic. But now that I really think about it...that dude was PSYCHOTIC. The whole premise of the book was that his wife betrayed him so he married a girl every night and killed her in the morning. For all intents and purposes, he is a serial killer who CLEARLY is not altogether mentally stable. And then Scheherazade comes and he marries her and she tells him stories, always ending them on a cliffhanger so that he won't kill her in the morning and then he falls in love with her and his heart thaws and it's a happy ending. Now, first point: Smeyer thinks all this creepy stuff is romantic: Romeo and Juliet, who are in LUST and both die for each other, a slight overreaction, Scheherazade and Shahrayar (sp?) where Shahrayar is a psycho, and Wuthering Heights, which I haven't read but from what I've heard is not about a healthy relationship either. And then she writes Twilight, which is about a creepy stalker who watches his love while she sleeps and the girl finds this flattering. Second point: Clearly, if I thought 1001 Nights was romantic when I was thirteen, I am proof that adolescent girls are stupid. And that is why they eat shit like Twilight up.

Anyway, she and Edward keep petting each other. Okay, if my hypothetical boyfriend kept kissing my forehead and nose and shit and kept touching my face I would finally be like, “ENOUGH! STOP TOUCHING ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.”

I was proud of myself. I hadn't missed one minute. Of staring at Edward, that is. STFU Bella. Just die already.

She went quickly to his side; they didn't embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other's faces, yet, somehow, the moment was so private that I still felt the need to look away. This just reminds of me of when Vanessa and Nate were talking to each other and Chuck’s like, “I’ll give you some privacy” and he walks like two feet away and just watches them the whole time. It was my second favourite moment on Gossip Girl, the first when Dan’s like, “Chuck, is this your hotel?” and Nate’s like, “Actually, it is” and Dan looks up at the building with the most confused look on his face ever.

Vampire group hug, YAY.

Edward’s pissed at Rosalie. I love Emmett. I wish he would speak. Rosalie begs forgiveness and Bella forgives her and blames herself like a good little Mary Sue.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled. Squee, EMMETT.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at Edward, his voice much closer now. I love you Charlie!

"She's just very tired, Charlie," Edward assured him quietly. "Please let her rest." Do NOT fucking tell Charlie what to do Edward. HIS MUSTACHE WILL MURDER YOU.

It’s like he was LISTENING: "Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

Edward has to leave, she freaks out.