The Host Chapters 37 and 38

I've decided to crank 'er up to two a day so I can through this monstrosity and get back to reading good literature.

I just noticed this from chapter 36:
“Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?” Doesn't he sound like a stereotypical stupid bruiser type? Like that gangster from "Diamonds Are Forever" who was like, "You got a bruddah? I got a bruddah too!" and Bond's like, "small world."

Chapter 37- Wanted

Maybe there will be a Loom of Fate and Morgan Freeman will make an appearance!

There was a pattern to the wins. If Jared and Kyle played together, they won. If Jared played
with Ian, then that team would win. It seemed to me that Jared could not be defeated, until I
saw the brothers play together. Do I CARE? NO!

Anyway, Kyle is trying to joke around with Ian and Ian is mad but then he stops being mad. It's exactly like me and Lindsay where we're going to kill each other and then two minutes later we're friends again.

“Ah…” I frowned. “I don't really know. I suppose there's still a mat by the ho–in the storage
area.” I kind of like where she decided to cut off "hole". Like they have their very own hooker who lives in the caves but never comes out. Anyway, Jared puts out his hand to help her up and then it's all awkward because he doesn't know how to support her and then like a wolf whose territory is being infringed on, Ian comes and takes her from Pedobear.

“We were just discussing where exactly that would be. She's tired. Maybe the hospital… ?” Maybe you should fucking ASK her where she wants to go, Pedobear. I really really hate him.

Jared still held my hand. Did he realize how tightly he was gripping it? The pressure was
starting to get uncomfortable, but he didn't seem aware. And I certainly wasn't going to
complain.
“Why don't you get lunch?” Jared suggested to Ian. “You look hungry. I'll take her wherever
you had planned… ?”
Ian chuckled, a low, dark sound. “I'm fine. And honestly, Jared, Wanda needs a bit more help
than a hand. I don't know if you're… comfortable enough with the situation to give her that.
You see –”
Ian paused to lean down and pull me quickly up into his arms. I gasped as the movement
tugged at my side. Jared didn't free my hand. My fingertips were turning red.

For God's sake. To borrow from Cleolinda, just piss on her already.

They stared at each other while my fingertips turned purple.
“I can carry her,” Jared finally said in a low voice.
“Can you?” Ian challenged. He held me out, away from his body.
An offer. What the HELL? I honestly just spread my arms wide and got an incredulous look on my face. Seriously. WTF? She's a PERSON not an OBJECT. I wish she would just be like, "WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS? TAKE ME TO THE GODDAMN KITCHEN AND STOP ACTING LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF PRIZE TO BE WON!" This rankles me to NO END. It's like the feminist movement NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.

Anyway, Pedobear gives up and lets Ian take her but he follows anyway and they talk about Kyle and come to the conclusion that he will keep his word. Unfortunately for the readers of this monstrosity. Ian takes Wanderer to his room, which is apparently her room now and Pedobear is all mad.

“Oh,” he interrupted, as if just remembering me… as if my weight was so insignificant that he'd
forgotten I was here. “You're exhausted, aren't you? Jared, could you get the door, please?” Yes guys, she's been there the whole time. You could have just asked her where she wanted to go.

Wordlessly, Jared wrenched the red door back with a bit too much force and shoved it on top of the gray one. I don't understand what happened here. Did he just...rip a door off its hinges?

Ian and Wanderer are now sleeping in the same room. I WONDER IF THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME ACTION? Probably not. Pedobear and Ian realize that some other people will probably go after as well and Pedobear is going to ask them to leave her alone. Pedobear tells Ian that since the body doesn't belong to Wanderer, Ian should keep his hands off. I like Ian, and as such I'm going to give him so advice: go for Sharon. Wanderer isn't good enough for you.

Oh gross. Pedobear asks how Ian thinks Melanie would feel if Ian and Wanderer start up some heavy petting or whatever PG fare Smeyer is cooking up. I just kind of got what that would be like. And if they (probably don't) have sex, then Melanie is basically being raped.

“There's nothing to think about,” Jared retorted. I knew how he would look from the sound of
his voice–teeth clenched, jaw strained. “The body and the person locked inside it belong tome. ” Wow, Pedobear. She's a human being. She belongs to no one. Asshole.

Oooooooh. Ian says that Wanderer has a right to a life too and besides, she doesn't respond to human "contact" like humans and Pedobear says "don't be so sure" and THE TRUTH COMES OUT. And Ian is PISSED. But, unlike Pedobear, he is not pissed because he's jealous. He's mad because of what the kiss did to Wanderer.

“No, you fool, Wanda!" Fool!

Yes, CHAGRIN!

Chapter 38- Touched

Now Wanderer is all thinking about Ian and his feelings and blah blah. Ian says that he likes her very much and you know, it kind of reminds me of old movies from the forties and old books where they're like, "I like you very much" instead of like, "I think I'm in love with you" or whatever. I can't explain it. Now Ian is caressing her and asks if it feels bad or good. Melanie insists it's bad and wants him to leave.

Of all the nerve! Fifties time warp, ftw! You tell him I said no chance in hell! I donotlike this man. Of course you don't like this man. You like your men controlling and repulsive.

“You don't really feel that way aboutme, you know,” I whispered. “It's this body.… She's
pretty, isn't she?”
He nodded. “She is. Melanie is a very pretty girl. Even beautiful.” His hand moved to touch my
bad cheek, to stroke the rough, scarring skin with gentle fingers. “In spite of what I've done to
her face.” Oh, of COURSE. He doesn't like Wanderer as a PERSON, he just likes the way Melanie looks. And I had HIGH HOPES for Ian. Well, I guess this IS a Smeyer novel.

“But, pretty as she is, she's a stranger to me. She's not the one I… care about.” I guess that makes it a little better. But it's infinitesimal.

“That's not true at all,” he disagreed. “It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the
voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in that body, but the things you do with it.You
are beautiful.” It's like the, "You have seven smiles" thing from How to Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. Such a romcom trope. I think Smeyer should read my recaps.

I sighed. “Ian, what if I'd come here in Magnolia's body?”
He grimaced and then laughed. “Okay. That's a good question. I don't know.”
“Or Wes's?”

Well, Maggie's old so that's creepy. And Wes is a guy.

“Don't you think, then…” Ian paused and leaned closer to me so that I couldn't seem to see
anything around his face, just snow and sapphire and ink. “That maybe you should make the
most of what time you have? That you shouldlive while you're alive?” It's my liiiiiife and it's now or neveeeer...I don't want to live foreveeeeer....I just wanna live while I'm aliiiiive. IT'S. MY. LIFE!

His lips were soft and warm. He pressed them only lightly to mine, and then brushed them back and forth across my mouth. I'm not sure if this is the visual she was going for, but I imagine this like an Eskimo kiss, but with lips instead of noses. Has Smeyer kissed before? I...don't think that's what you do.

“I–I can't think.” When I moved my mouth to speak, he moved his with it.
“That sounds… good.”
His mouth pressed down with more force now. He caught my lower lip between his and pulled
on it gently.

Holy shit. We're rapidly moving into PG-13 territory here. ZOMG!

Calm down,I begged her.He's not touching me.
Has he forgotten that I'mhere?Doesn't he care? This is me, it'sme!

You didn't fucking care when Wanderer was the one being violated. Stop being such a hypocrite, Melanie.

So Melanie can break out when Wanderer is overwhelmed, and Ian is jealous because she was overwhelmed when Pedobear was kissing her but not when Ian is kissing her. Well, he practically raped her so yes, she was overwhelmed.

"You love them both, the same way Melanie
did. Jamie like a brother. And Jared…”
He was looking away, staring at the wall over me. I had to look away, too. I stared at the
sunlight where it touched the red door.
“How much of that is Melanie?” he wanted to know.
“I don't know. Does it matter?”
I could barely hear his answer. “Yes. It does to me.” Without looking at me or seeming to
notice what he was doing, Ian took my hand again.

Of course it fucking matters, you stupid bitch.

“Time is on my side,” he said, grinning. “We've got the rest of our lives in here. One day you'll
wonder what you ever saw in Jared.” Okay, now THAT sounds scary.

“Guess what? Jared was saying at lunch that he didn't think it was fair for
you to have to move out of the room you were used to. He said we weren't being good hosts.
He said you should move back in with me! Isn't that great? I asked him if I could tell you right
away, and he said that was a good idea. He said you would be in here.”

ROFL. He's like a child. Oh, and Jared is going to be in the room too. Lmfao, it's such a transparent maneuver. There's an easy solution to this. Get Jamie to move in with Ian and Wanderer. Duh.