The Host Recap

Twilight provides many lulz, but what about The Host, aka the Book By Stephenie Meyer That No One Cares About? So that you don’t have to suffer, I am going to throw myself on the metaphorical pyre and suffer for you. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
At the beginning of every chapter will be a weird word choice list, in which, obviously, I record weird words Smeyer chooses to use. I’m hoping for some “dangs”. Maybe a “holy crow” or two? And please, please, let’s have a few “chagrins”!
This is all read in real time. I don’t know anything about The Host except that I think an alien possesses someone else? Sounds kind of Animorphs-y to me, but I’m not going to accuse. I have no other information about The Host so that my reactions to the expected continuity errors and adjective diarrhea is all genuine. I'll try to do one chapter a day, so this undertaking will take two months. So, step through the fire with me, my friends…

Prologue

Weird Word Choice List:
Abashed

Because I don’t want to waste my money on this crap, I have the .PDF file. I clicked on it after it was done downloading, and had the shit scared out of me when the giant eye on the cover stared at me. I might have actually jumped.
And the lulz start: The Healer’s name was Fords Deep Waters.
For fuck’s sake, Smeyer, what is wrong with having normal names?
Okay, here is what I’ve gathered so far. There’s some guy named Fords Deep Waters, and he has an assistant named Darren (Shan? Is this going to unexpectedly return to vampire territory?) They are both “souls” and as such are compassionate, virtuous, patient, blah blah blah, aka: Gary Stu. Fords is operating on a girl, who is going to receive a soul. I’m guessing there are “wild” humans, which are the ones who haven’t received a soul yet, and then the “souled” humans who have received another being inside of them. I get it! Kind of like demonic possession!
Fords gave Darren a look that could only be described as a glare. I like how she can’t just say “Fords glared at Darren.” She has to expand it into a long, unnecessary sentence.
The soul shone in the brilliant lights of the operating room, brighter than the reflective silver instrument in his hand. Like a living ribbon, she twisted and rippled, stretching, happy to be free of the cryotank. Her thin, feathery attachments, nearly a thousand of them, billowed softly like pale silver hair. Though they were all lovely, this one seemed particularly graceful to Fords Deep Waters. Great. Awesome. Another main character that is more beautiful than everyone else. Also some of the students watching this medical procedure were talking about how legendary she is. My Mary Sue alarm bells are ringing.
The host body that Fords is operating on I guess died horribly. It’s not really stated clearly. Fords is worried because the soul then has to live with whatever happened to this girl. The chapter ends with Fords telling the soul “good luck.” Aww.