The Host- Chapter 9

Chapter 9- Discovered

Driving, driving, driving. Wanderer decides that she is going to try to keep Melanie out of the Seeker's hands. It's unclear how the both of them feel about this arrangement. Is Melanie still angry? Does she hate Wanderer? Is she giving up? Does Wanderer still hate Melanie? Are they talking to each other anymore? WHO KNOWS?

Wanderer has reached a place called Picacho Peak, and receives a blip of emotion from Melanie. Wanderer is curious now.

I'm only nine chapters in and I'm sick of this book. When you look at it empirically, very little has happened in 78 pages. Wanderer was implanted in Melanie, we learn that the Yeerks are bad aliens who took over earth and...that's about it. Does it honestly take 78 pages to say this?

As if I didn't need another saccharine Jared memory, Smeyer is here to give me diabetes! Okay, he won't have sex with her because she's so young, but he has no problem whispering sweet nothings and making out with her whenever. Smeyer keeps saying shit like, "he touched me, and it felt like my skin was igniting" and "he dragged fire along my arm" and "it felt like my heart was going to combust." And here's MORE fire imagery. Can she please think of another way to convey how hot their love is? Please? Jared says that Melanie looks like a dryad and that she is so hot that she must be fictional. Because looks are all that's important. And if my boyfriend said I looked like a dryad, I would not be impressed. And AGAIN he's like Edward. "We can't be together LIKE THAT, but hopefully if I come on to you enough it will make you forget that you want to sex me up!"

“You and I won't lose each other,” he promises. “I will always find you again.” Being Jared, he
cannot be completely serious for more than a heartbeat or two. “No matter how well you hide. I'm unstoppable at hide-and-seek." Oh, CREEPY. "You cannot hide from me! I will always find you!" AHHH STALKER ALERT.

She walked not quite slowly enough, working too hard at keeping a casual pace. Trying desperately to blend in. No body snatcher would feel that need. You did NOT just reference Invasion of the Body Snatchers. That masterpiece of cinema is so far above you that it is BLASPHEMY for you to mention it in this craphole abyss of a book.

Anyway, it would appear that Jared is going to find Sharon, the aforementioned cousin of Melanie. Oh OF COURSE. The MAN has to go do the dangerous stuff while the little woman stays at home, keeps house, and cares for her little brother.

“Neither heaven nor hell can keep me apart from you, Melanie.” Oh for fuck's sake. HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU MAKE ME SAY THAT PHRASE, SMEYER? Is this a sci-fi book called The Host or the lost season of The Young and the Restless?

Another memory, only this one is of Jamie. Melanie is going off to do something and Jamie is afraid she won't come back. Apparently their dad was taken by Yeerks and he came back, leading the Seekers to them. This kind of reminds me of this dream I had that aliens were shooting these bolts of light at people and if you got hit by one, you were frozen. My sister and I wanted to hide and instead of heading for one of our two houses, two barns, or three sheds, we decided to hide in the tractor, which my dad was driving. He had suddenly turned evil and was like, "give me five bucks or you can't ride" but sadly, neither my sister nor I had cash. I think I eventually got hit by a light. So I can understand how disturbing it would be to have your dad turn on you.

The whole point of this memory montage was to hammer home the point that Melanie's and Wanderer's feelings are so intertwined that Wanderer can't live without Jared and Jamie. So I bet that eventually Wanderer will be forced to help Melanie find Jared and Jamie. Ooh, foreshadowing. And looky, she is forced to love someone!

Yay, another Jared memory! akl;dsfglaAKJSDFasdf.

Melanie is talking about her dad's side of the family, who are all crazy conspiracy theorists. Oh Smeyer, do NOT try to create crazy, lovable conspiracy theorists a la The Lone Gunmen. Just don't. Frohike will KICK YOUR ASS.

Smeyer just bastardized the X-Files catchphrase "trust no one." Smeyer, stealing ideas from better sci-fi series will not help this book.

Apparently her uncle Jeb drew lines on the back of a photo album that may be some kind of map or some such. It turns out that crazy uncle Jeb knew about the aliens.

Another memory. Melanie is little and is looking at the photo album while sitting in her dad's lap. And then Melanie finds a picture of a ranch that's been in the family forever and she and Jared walked to it. So I have no idea why Melanie revealed all this to Wanderer, knowing that Wanderer will just tell her Seeker. The ranch is probably where Jamie and Jared and maybe Sharon are, so you just revealed the location to the enemy. Melanie is such an idiot.

But wait, the love by osmosis for Jamie and Jared is too strong. This is going to be awkward. There are two beings in one body who love the same dude. This reminds me of the Stargate SG-1 episode where the Tokra came to the SGC (I can't remember why) and Anise (the human, I think) was in love with Jack and Freya (the Goa'ould, maybe) was in love with Daniel. Not exactly the same thing, but similar enough.