The Host Chapter 26

Chapter 26- Returned

Wanderer is now teaching but all she does is answer questions and tell stories. If that was all MY education was, I would drop out of university right now. Now that she's teaching, people don't hate her anymore and Trudy is now talking to Wanderer.

An electric current ran through my body at the sound of my name spoken by a female voice. Maybe she's a secret lesbo. You don't love Pedobear! I'm now a Wanderer/Trudy shipper. Now Lily, who may or may not have mentioned before (seriously? It probably doesn't matter. Smeyer's not an expert at fleshing out anybody other than the male and female lead). Everyone is interested in her stories, except for Aunt Maggie and Sharon who still hate her. And presumably Pedobear, but I can't even remember the last time he was mentioned. It's been 60 pages since he's been a major character. Maybe he turned into a redshirt and I didn't notice.

GODAMMIT SMEYER. Now we're hearing about other aliens, who are like dolphin/dragonflies with wings who fly through the water. They have three different genders, which must make things awkward. They make plant cities. I think Smeyer should watch Star Wars because no one (except me, apparently) likes the Ewoks because they're cutesy and furry. I miss Tauntauns. And those weird things with big black eyes that played Cantina Band. And the thing that may or may not have shot first. And Jabba the Hutt. And that white dude with the long horns who I think died. I like my aliens gross and scary and green. Not little cutesy dolphins and furry ice sculpting bears. Take a break from the Lisa Frank school of imagination and do
actual research on aliens, okay?

Hey, I guess I spoke too soon earlier. Pedobear is back! And he's pissed. Melanie's all happy that her man is back. FUCK give her a break Pedobear. I mean, I hate Wanderer too, but she's not dangerous. She cringes and flinches all the time. She's an abused puppy. WHERE IS YOUR EMPATHY? Oh, and the aforementioned Paige is freaking out because Andy is home. Why did no women go on this raid, I ask you? That Aunt Maggie looks like she's be badass. Oh, now Kyle's getting pissed and Ian's protecting Wanderer. There's some foreshadowing that Ian and Wanderer will fall in love but that's nothing new. And Pedobear wants to kill her. If anything could kill love, it would be the knowledge that the lovee wants to shoot you.

From the instant I could clearly see his face, I'd known it was over. I knew what I had to do
now; Melanie was in agreement. As quietly as I could, I took a step to the side and slightly back, so that I would be clear of Ian. Then I closed my eyes. For FUCK'S SAKE. FIGHT BACK! DO SOMETHING!

So Jeb told Pedobear that Melanie might be in there and Jamie is freaking out and Pedobear is all confused because he's stupid.

The other dirty members of the expedition went after them silently, Paige tucked securely under Andy's arm. Was he...carrying her? Like a sack of potatoes? Classy.

“Don't I know it! You didn't leave the gun anywhere obvious, did you?” This reminds me a White Ninja cartoon where White Ninja asked this other guy if he wanted [something, I don't remember what] and this guy was like, "Do I!" and White Ninja was like, "what is this, 1956?"

“They wouldn't look for her with me.” Walter's offer was just a whisper. He's going to rape her.

Wanderer makes a fuss because she doesn't want anybody to get hurt protecting her and then she runs away. Cliche storm! Because running away by yourself into a dark tunnel is going to keep you safe!