Horrible TV Shows I Watch

Okay, so my first love is science fiction, first and foremost. The X-Files is my favourite TV show ever and it always will be. But I am a girl, and that means that I need to have some girly shows. Some are good (Gossip Girl, although not so much this season, and also Greek) but some are absolutely horrifying. I speak of 90210 and One Tree Hill. Spoilers ahoy, so don't get mad if you read something you didn't want to.

There's not much I can say about 90210, so it goes first. How TERRIBLE is this show? Seriously. I never saw the original, so I can't say how good that was, but this new one is just BORING. Boyfriend drama, a fake half brother, and a pregnancy, but still that can't infuse this show with any drama at all.

Things I like: The guy who plays Ethan also had a great guest spot on the season 3 Supernatural episode "Ghostfacers". My love for him will never disappear. And who doesn't love Lori Loughlin? I think everyone watched Full House at least once.

But the actor who plays Annie's dad has crazy eyes. I hate them. They freak me out. And Naomi's MOM has Runaway Bride eyes! (Btw, I didn't make that up. I read it somewhere and I loved that I knew exactly what that person was talking about). Shenae Grimes is the most annoying actress ever. I'm sure Annie wasn't supposed to turn out like this, but she turned into a shrill, annoying, whiny little bitch who I can't stand to watch for very long. The guy who plays Dixon is pretty good. He's probably the least annoying character. Jessica Stroup, who plays Silver, just confuses me as to what to feel. I LOVED her as Cady on Reaper, but all of Silver's supposed quirkiness and noncomfority seems so forced, like Stargirl. (Terrible book, never read it). It's getting over to the annoying side.

Um, what else. Well, Navid and Adrianna just seem like really useless and extraneous characters. Adrianna not as much, but honestly, what is Navid's purpose? He actually had a personality in the first few episodes and then when Adrianna said she was pregnant and now, nothing. I have nothing to say about Naomi. I don't hate her, I don't like her. She's just meh. Annie's grandma is great, but she hasn't shown up for awhile. That one English teacher randomly turned into a douchebag. Loved when Shannen Doherty was on the show (mostly because I loved her on Charmed) but now she just disappeared.

Oh, and the fake half brother! This guy showed up saying that he was the love child of Naomi's mom and Annie's dad and it was implied he was actually a conman. Then there was one part where Annie found out and then he came into the bathroom while she was doing her hair or something and stared at her really weirdly and I thought he was going to attack her and THEN HE JUST LEFT. Would a guy who insinuated himself into a rich family to take their money just give up that easily? I think not. There was a prime opportunity to turn Annie's dad against her and her mom, because he still believed this kid was his son, but no. It used to be like, I love it because it's so horrifying, but now I just watch it when I need a girly show and there are no new episodes of anything else.

Okay, One Tree Hill. That show is just so batshit. I cannot even describe to you. Before we start though, I think it was genius to just fast forward the show four years into the future after they graduated. Because honestly, how many shows have gotten cancelled because the ratings dropped when the characters left for college? Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, and probably more but I can't remember at the moment. Anyway. All the characters on that show seem so unlike teenagers/20 somethings. I can't relate to them at all. For example, they ALL want to get married, and they ALL want kids. Haley and Nathan get married in like, grade 12 or something and then have a kid right after. Lucas proposes to Peyton when they're like 18, she says no, and then he proposes again at 23 and she says yes and then she immediately gets pregnant. Brooke, at 22, suddenly really really really wants a child. I'm not against people wanting children or wanting to get married young but THE WHOLE CAST?

And the music. They have popular musicians on the show sometimes but it seems like they're trying to be all super cool like The OC with their indie music but it's really forced. And Pete Wentz's guest spot was just bad. He should never, EVER act again.

It also has this weird thing where every character gets exactly what they want with minimal effort. Let's do a tally:

Brooke- Loves designing clothes. Immediately after high school (or thereabouts. It's not that clear) she starts a clothing line, it immediately gains extreme popularity, she gets her own magazine, she's rich and famous. Bam bam bam. Just like that.

Lucas- Immediately after high school, he publishes a bestseller (that, judging from excerpts that are read, is pretty horrifying) which gets turned into a movie. He also writes the script and gets like, extreme creative control over everything WHICH I DOUBT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE, if Dean Koontz's experiences are anything to go by. (Seriously, if HE could pick who was cast in Phantoms, I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be BEN AFFLECK IN A COWBOY HAT).

Peyton- Okay, Peyton's not as bad. She struggled in an entry level job at a record company for years before returning to Tree Hill and starting her own record company with like, no effort.

Nathan- Gets into the NBA (?) but then gets injured and turns into a Unabomber-esque depressed douchebag but then joins this weird basketball team where they bounce on shit and then quits and then gets into the NBA (?) again. No effort.

Haley- She's the only normal one. She became a teacher. But now she just quit her job and walks right into a job as a producer at Haley's label. No effort to get THAT job.

Also, Dan is now pretty much a pointless character. He needs to just die already. His redemption plotline is REALLY played out.

One thing I really like though, is James Van Der Beek's recent guest starring stint as a debauched, alcoholic movie director. He is amazing and hilarious in that part. It's kind of similar to his How I Met Your Mother guest starring stint as a washed up rock star with delusions of grandeur. I also really liked him on Criminal Minds as that killer with like, three personalities. You wouldn't know it from Dawson's Creek, but dude has some serious acting chops.

Everyone on the show is a pretty good actor, except for Chad Michael Murray, who chews the scenery in every scene he is in. It's pretty hilarious though, so I'll let it slide.

Oh, and the episode written by Chad Michael Murray. It was a homage to like, Casablanca and The Maltese Falcon and all these other noir shows, except it mixed all the movies up and spat out something unrecognizable. It seemed like Casablanca at the beginning, but then switched to like, The Big Sleep or something. The episode had a bit of an identity crisis. Certain people also had inexplicable Southern accents, despite the fact that CASABLANCA TAKES PLACE IN FRENCH MOROCCO and The Maltese Falcon takes place in...damn, I can't remember. New York, maybe. As does The Thin Man, which also seemed to be mixed up in there. You'd think they'd have exaggerated New Yawk accents, but no.

But if you really want an example of how batshit this show is, try THIS on for size. In the episode I watched today, Dan was waiting in the hospital for his new heart. This heart thing has been a plotline for like two seasons now, and I'm pretty excited for it to be tied up. Anyway, the guy holding the cooler with the heart trips over a dog and falls. The heart then falls on the ground AND A DOG EATS IT. No seriously. A dog eats Dan's heart. It was gross and kind of hilarious in a "Did they honestly JUST DO THAT?" way. I was just like, "What the FUCK just happened?" Who thinks this shit up?