Left Behind Chapters 11-14

I completely forgot about Left Behind yesterday. With all the procrastinating I was doing, you'd think "blogging" would have been pretty high on the procrastination list, but no. Anyway, this book is supremely painful so I'm going to try to get through it as fast as possible.

CHAPTER 11
Strange word/phrase- "You don't either!"

Rayford and Chloe are going to this fundie church. Chloe mentions about taking classes locally and living at home and DUDE. It's only been like three or four days since your mom and brother and ABOUT A BILLION OTHER PEOPLE DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR. Education is important, but to bypass all the steps of grief and go straight into acceptance is so redonk, I don't even know where to begin.

You know how on shows like Petticoat Junction and shit, someone will be like, "You stole my dress!" or whatever and the person will be all indignant and go, "I didn't, either!" Well, Rayford goes to Chloe, "I know what you're going to say" and Chloe's like, "you don't either!" NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS. I'm pretty sure that if you're over the age of 50 (or like 35, when it comes to Smeyer) you shouldn't be writing young characters without the input of an actual young person.

Rayford and Chloe actually joke around and it's actually kind of cute and realistic. I...don't know what to say.

So they go see Bruce Barnes, the pastor of this church. I imagined him as like, Bram from Sharon, Lois, and Bram or possibly Rene Angelil. He actually doesn't look like this, but I'm going to imagine him as an overweight, balding, older man anyway.

Chloe's the most savvy person in this book. She doesn't readily accept Bruce's "Rapture" theory and she doesn't discount aliens, and she makes the observation that every theory is self-serving. I like her, but I assume her likeable personality won't last long.

Bruce is saying why he didn't get Raptured, which is basically that he's a normal person.

According to fundies, the only way to get to Heaven is to accept Jesus. In Chick tracts, murderers, child molesters, and wife-beaters get to Heaven just by saying they accept Jesus. So this would mean that works don't mean anything; you can be a terrible person and still get to Heaven. Bruce Barnes is a pastor, so obviously he believes in Heaven. Clearly, he's accepted that Jesus is his saviour, he just wasn't a zealot. So why is he damned? AND we're always taught that Jesus died for our sins, he died so that we could be forgiven. If we're ALREADY saved, why do we have to get saved again? If you believe in Jesus and are a good person, what earthly reason is there for you to go to Hell? If you're a good person but you happen to not believe in God, why do you deserve to go to Hell? Why would God be that petty? Why would the child molesters get to go to Heaven just because they say "I accept Jesus"? So many questions.

CHAPTER 12

Strange word/phrase- Jabber

Back to Buck, who is off investigating his friend's murder instead of worrying about the little matter of a third of the world's population disappearing into thin air or his brother's family's memorial service.

Chloe seems perfectly reasonable to me. She doesn't want to be pushed into the big decision of accepting a whole belief system. She needs time to think about it, and she wants to watch this Rapture video alone without her dad trying to influence her decision. This is baffling to Rayford, who wants the chance to proselytize, and Chloe is portrayed as such a crazy and unreasonable human being.

"Depending on when you're viewing this tape, you may have already found that martial law is in effect in many places, emergency measures trying to keep evil elements from looting and fighting over the spoils of what is left."
Fat chance. We don't get enough description to see the good stuff.

"If you turn to Christ, you may still have to die as a martyr."
Well, that's comforting.

Steve phones Buck, and tells him that the Antichrist wants to see him because Chaim has been chattering about him. Buck is so happy that he claps, because he is a 12 year old girl.

Hattie calls Rayford, who is an asshole to her as per usual. Hattie says that Buck died and she broke down when she heard. So she broke down over a dude she talked to like three times, and not over her co-worker slitting his wrists?

CHAPTER 13
Strange word/phrase- "She may come on like gangbusters."

I'm not sure if I made this clear, but in chapter 10 Buck's friend (the inspector, or whatever) was killed in a car bomb after they talked in the pub and Buck threw his ID onto the wreckage so he could be presumed dead for some unknown reason.

Rayford and Chloe's cab driver asks if they're saved and when Rayford says yes, she goes, "I am too. You'd have to be blind or somethin' not to see the light now." Really? Because I would still be thinking aliens, and I'm shocked that NO ONE'S brought up Croatoan and the Roanoke colony or the multitudes of other mass disappearances.

Rayford mentions he wants to invite Hattie over and Chloe says, "She may come on like gangbusters." What does that mean? Is she still speaking English?

Back to Buck. Carpathia is making a speech at the UN and is naming all the member nations of the UN. Contrary to what you might think, this does not put everyone to sleep, but just makes everyone happier and prouder. People: long, boring lists are NOT a good speech making strategy.

Buck seems to think this speech will cause America to embrace him but honestly, who gives a shit about a Romanian president giving a boring speech in the UN?

CHAPTER 14

So, tons of people disappeared. Supposedly there are looters and death and destruction and evil people running amok, and Rayford decides to order Chinese and invite Hattie over.

Buck is recognized by a bunch of people, Chaim Rosenszweig recognizes him as Buck, and everyone is delighted and Buck is stunned when Carpathia calls him by his real name (as opposed to George Oreskovich, which is on his nametag). You guys, it's not a big deal. He probably saw THE HUGE FUCKING CROWD AROUND BUCK.

Rayford and Chloe get their house broken into and Chloe wants another copy of the Rapture tape. The end.