I Despise My Roommates With The Fire of a Thousand Suns

Why I Hate My Roommates
A Play in One Act

Five people enter Robin's apartment at 1:40 AM, being loud and annoying with no regard for anyone else (as per usual). Robin tries to wait it out but it doesn't take long for her to snap.

ROBIN (politely): Could you quiet down, please?
ANNOYING MALE FRIEND: NO!
ROOMMATE #1: Hurr durr, I do not know what this word quiet means. After all, I am only in Tourism and Hospitality, a career path that I really don't need to go to university for.
ROOMMATE #2: Me as well! Plus I am a model, a career path that doesn't require any brain power.
FLOORMATE: Dur, what does hos...hosa....that "h" word mean? I am in "retail management" a program that will prepare me for a career in McDonald's.
ANNOYING MALE FRIEND: Duhhhh...where am I?

LATER (3:20 AM)
ROOMMATE #1: Let's watch TV with the volume OVER NINE THOUSAND! I'm sure no one will mind.
ROOMMATE #2: Yes, after all, it's not like the walls are paper thin or that our other roommate is sick with the flu and needs sleep.
FLOORMATE: Good idea! I am a hypocrite who complains about my roommates being loud while I am sick, and yet I have no problem with being loud while other people are sick.

They don't shut up for a long time.
The End.

So basically, I've been sick for the past two days. When you're sick, you need sleep, which is impossible when you live in a dorm. At like midnight, they were blasting music right outside my door and then thankfully, they left, only to be replaced by my two roommates, two floormates, and one unidentified male being loud and obnoxious. I'm a really light sleeper, so I always give them some leeway. I can't expect them to tiptoe around me. It's called COMPROMISE, something these spoiled bitches have never heard of. So it went on for a long time and then I asked them to quiet down. Politely. And then the asshole dude was like, "NO!" Seriously, guy? This is the second time I've asked someone nicely to be quiet, and the second time I've been met with flat refusal. So they quieted down for like five minutes and then they were super loud. So I kind of dozed off until like 3:20, when they decided to watch a movie WITH THE VOLUME AT LIKE A HUNDRED. SERIOUSLY? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT'S OKAY? So I went and told them AGAIN to be quiet and then I could finally fall asleep.

I have no idea how people can be so selfish. They are so narcissistic. They don't care about anything but a) themselves, and b) their pleasure. I hope they drop out of school but I know that's impossible because they're in fucking tourism, which honestly requires no brain power. They cook, for God's sake.

And my floormate. She's complained to me on more than one occasion about how her roommates are always so loud when she's trying to sleep. And one time at the beginning of the year she was sick and she was mad at her roommates because they were being loud and here I am, sick, and yet SHE DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. GA;LSDFKAHSLIDHFAS.

I despise first years.