You know how there are certain never-ending debates? Among farm kids, these debates are limited to Chevy vs. Ford (Ford) and John Deere vs. Case (John Deere). Saskatoon has Dougy vs. Sailor Dan.
DOUGY
The Great Hobo Debate is, by extension, a debate about east side vs. west side (east side). Dougy resides on the west side. Allegedly, he hangs out at the Midtown Mall or Confed, but I have never seen him in my life, so I don't really know that much about him. I've heard from people that he's basically a crazy-ass mofo, and I've been advised not to touch him because he has hep C. I'm not sure what all he does. My friend's ex told me a story about how he (the ex) was getting Taco Time and he ordered Mexi-fries, and Dougy was like, "MEXI FRIES, MEXI FRIES." I guess he does this a lot because there's a story on the Dougy Facebook page where someone was getting Taco Time and Dougy's like, "Junioooooooooooor Burritooooooooooo." I guess he just really likes Taco Time.SAILOR DAN
Sailor Dan is sweet. You can't really see him in this picture, which is a shame. I've never seen him in this Miami Vice-ian suit. Usually he wears this jacket with fringe and like, black pants and his sailor hat. He hangs out around Broadway and 8th, selling his drawings of ships. He is one hobo who actually DOES something for his money. I own one of the aforementioned ships.
It's pretty cool. Here was how the conversation went when I bought mine.
Me: Can I have a ship? How much
are they?SD: (kind of mumbling, quite possibly high): Forty dollars.
Me: I only have fifty, so take it.
SD: (Handing me a drawing): Bless you! (He kept saying this to me.)
Me: (walking back to car)
SD: You keep that! It's going to be worth something someday.
Me: Okay...
SD: I'm gonna be famous like that guy, you know, Van Gogh?
Me: Okay...
SD: Bless you!
It was awesome. He only draws the same ship though, so it's not like it's original or anything. Allegedly he has drawn a different kind of ship, a navy ship, and mermaids, but I've never seen these sold. I'm looking forward to seeing him around Broadway again when the Fringe starts up. He's been gone too long. Also, apparently kids will randomly pick him up and take him to parties to get high together. Sailor Dan is a legend around these parts. I hope he never dies. For more information: http://www2.canada.com/saskatoonstarphoenix/news/story.html?id=ce182a53-b6c5-4f00-be86-eec583960843&k=42240&p=1
OTHER MISCELLANEOUS PEOPLE
Here are some other miscellaneous people I've encountered while living in this metropolis:
MISCELLANEOUS HOMELESS PEOPLE ON BROADWAY
Broadway is where the weirdos go. I've been lucky enough to be around Broadway for a long time, since my job since last year has been there, and my brother and sister have had two different apartments in the area. Once I was getting ice cream at a little stand and this guy walked by and he had the most haunted eyes I have ever seen. He looked like he was in purgatory. He asked for a quarter for the phone but I told him I didn't have any money, despite the fact that I was getting ice cream. Another time I was at the same ice cream stand and a guy was there talking to the girl working, and he's like to me, "Nice shirt" in this slurred voice. I was like, "thanks" and then he left and the girl said that he was trying to get her to go to a rave with him. I saw another guy jump into a puddle with bare feet in the street. Good times.
THE CRAZY MUMBLING LADY
I was walking to the mall and I passed by a restaurant/lounge and this lady comes out and starts talking to me. Except she was not speaking English. She wasn't speaking any other language, either. She wasn't speaking anything from this planet. I was like, "Pardon?" and she just kept talking in garbled gibberish, and I was like, "I don't understand what you're saying" and walked really quickly away.
MY DOWNTOWN STALKER
So I was walking to the mall and I had to walk past the bus terminal. Some skeezy looking guy comes up to me and goes, "Hey." I, being a nice person, was like, "Hi." AND THEN HE KEEPS TALKING. He's like, "How's your day going?" and I'm like, "Good..." and he's like, "where are you headed?" and I'm not sure why, but I was like, "The mall." He's like, "I'm going there too!" And then he starts walking with me. I was so scared. So I pretended to get a phone call and then I walked quickly away. I still had to go to the mall because I was meeting friends so I did this huge loop and was about to come to a stop at the corner when I SAW HIM AGAIN. He was waiting at the corner! So I fucking RUN to an alley and hide in there. I called Bobbi and told her what was happening, waited five minutes, and then went. HE WAS STILL THERE. I have no other explanation other than HE WAS WAITING FOR ME. So I went back around the way I had come, back to the bus mall, and then a few blocks around. I was terrified, but I never saw him again.
THE OLD LADY ON THE BUS
This old lady kept talking to me and telling me what she had been doing that day and how much she loved Dollar Mart.
THE SECURITY GUY AT THE DOWNTOWN BUS TERMINAL
I only notice this guy because he has a really intense bleached mullet.
Now we shall continue on to My Favourite Stores in Saskatoon.
WHITE CAT/WESTGATE BOOKS
The only two used bookstores I go to. Both have a really great selection of Dean Koontz books. The people at Westgate really know what they're doing. They know exactly where everything is. Westgate also has some crazy ass books. I got a palm reading for dummies book there and I saw a book about vampires. Not about the mythical vampires, but literally how to spot a vampire living near you. Allegedly, vampires are EVERYWHERE. I regret not buying this book.
VINYL EXCHANGE
I've only been in here once, but it looked sketchy. They have a pretty good selection of CDs and albums. They've been shut down a few times for selling drugs.
VINYL DINER
A much nicer place to buy vinyl. It's located upstairs so it feels like an out of the way, cool place to buy music.
DIVINE
They sell really expensive vintage clothing, but I like to go in there sometimes, even though I can't afford anything.
WITCH'S BREW
This is hands down, the best store I have ever been in (tied with Millennium, but that's another story). They sell all this new-agey shit like books about magic and Wicca and fairies and they sell herbs and Tarot cards and it's really zen. Strangely, you have to be eighteen to buy the stuff within. This is my best Witch's Brew story: I intended to learn how to read Tarot, so I picked out a book there and asked the lady there if it mattered what cards I got. BIG MISTAKE. She asked me my zodiac sign, and when I told her Virgo, she went on and on about how virgos come in here all the time and are really skeptical about everything and they don't believe anything, and she asked me if I was serious about Tarot, and I wasn't sure how to reply. I'm not, but will she get mad if I say that? Then she was like, "Or do you just want to try it out and see if it's for you?" and I was like to myself, "Sure, we'll go with that" and I nodded. I can't remember all the other stuff she told me, but she said that her mom and her grandma are both really good Tarot readers and that Tarot isn't for everyone, and some people prefer palm reading or tea leaf reading. I'm thinking, "I just wanted to buy the cards." This whole conversation, I was trying so hard not to laugh. Finally she advised me to just get the book and read it and then figure out if Tarot was for me. I still haven't gone back to get the cards.
PSYCHIC PAULINA
I have never been to visit Psychic Paulina, but she has a tent at the Fringe, and I fully intend to go this year.
EVENTS
These are my favourite Stoon events.
TASTE OF SASKATCHEWAN
All the locally owned restaurants pick out two or three menu items and set up a stand in the park. People purchase tickets and then trade tickets for the food. Food is usually smaller than normal portions so you can get a lot of food. This is where I first tasted the deep fried Mars bar and fell in love. They also have live music.
SHAKESPEARE ON THE SASKATCHEWAN
Two Shakespeare plays are put on every year in a tent by the river. Usually they are reimagined in some way, like when I saw Romeo and Juliet the two gangs were biker gangs. Always a good time.
THE EX
I LOVE the ex. I love rides. I love ex food. And they usually have good music. I've seen Bedouin Soundclash and The Trews and this year I'm going to see Marianas Trench.
THE FRINGE
Takes place in and around Broadway. Plays from all over the province are staged at different venues. Broadway is also shut down for part of the two weeks and buskers and vendors set up there. They also have a lot of the food stands from the ex, so I can get snow cones and mini doughnuts. Psychic Paulina sets up a tent. The cafe where I work is open two extra hours so I get more money.
Miscellaneous items:
PUBLIC TRANSIT
I love the Stoon buses. Everyone hates public transit, but I don't mind it, mostly because I'm a really bad driver. You can ALWAYS find freaks (like the woman who WOULD NOT STOP STARING AT ME) and most of the time, the drivers are nice (especially the guy who drove the number 80 and helped me find my stop, and the guy who drives the number 4 at eight in the morning and still gives me a cheery hello).
BROADWAY THEATRE
I've only been in here once, to see Night of the Living Dead. You know how you see audiences watching like Rocky Horror or Troll 2 and they yell and throw things at the screen? I wasn't sure this actually happened until I saw this movie. People were laughing and yelling, and my favourite part was when in the movie Barbra (stupid, catatonic chick who everyone in my theatre HATED) slaps Ben and he slaps her and she goes out cold. Everyone clapped. Good times.
THE UNIVERSITY
This is the first time I actually found other smart people. I loved most of my classes (except
Archaeology 116 and Geo 109) and had a really good time. Special shout out to:
Campus Cove: They have the best slushies.
Tim Horton's in Arts Tunnel: I was here all the time between Arch 112 and History 121 getting doughnuts and hot chocolate.
The rock wall in the PAC: I went rock climbing with Jonas and we had a good time.
Murray Library: I went there to study a lot and the graffiti on the study cubicles was awesome. I can't really remember much of it, but it gave me some laughs.
Louis: The campus pub. I went here to eat with my sister a lot and I went with some people to a live show. Good times. Also met the NaNo people here.
Browser's: I went here for a Write-In with another girl. We got a really good table with a nice view and had coffee.
Campus Bookstore: I hate you. I had to spend five hundred bucks there on textbooks. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
English 110: I loved this class, except for three people I hated who shall remain nameless. I didn't talk much except when I went on a profanity-laced rant about the protagonist of The Kite Runner and how much I hated him.
Also, this is a funny (with a sad ending) story my friend told me, and I'm not sure where it fits in. She and her bf were walking and they met this guy who was high on crack and he tried to give them his debit card, but they wouldn't take it. Danielle told me she thought he died because they saw a report about a guy on drugs dying in the area where they found him.
MY JOBS
All of my jobs except my first one and the one I had for most of the summer have been in Saskatoon. Here is the low-down on those:
BROADWAY CAFE
I have worked here on three separate occasions: the summer after grade 11, during first year, and now I've been working there again for about a week. I love that place. I wash dishes, so it's not a great job, but the people are good and the bosses love me and I don't have to deal with customers.
THE YARD AND FLAGON
This is a pub and the kitchen staff are all in their late twenties and they all smoke pot. I liked them because we took turns to see who picks the music. We listened to a very diverse group of musical artists, including: The Who, Bob Dylan, Hank Williams, some weird trance music, Matisyahu, and Coheed and Cambria. My favourite Y&F moment was when Cory and I were the only ones in the kitchen and we were listening to Boris the Spider by The Who and he jumped around the side of the counter, air guitaring on a strainer, and is like, "ROBIN! SPIDER AIR GUITAR!" Cory also made this really gross/good creation, which was bacon dipped in batter and deep fried. It's eaten with syrup. It's like bacon and pancakes ALL IN ONE.
MONTANA'S
I was a cook here. I liked it because in the realm of the kitchen, cooks are king. Dishwashers (which is what I usually do) are right at the bottom. We are scum on the bottom of the cook's shoe. But for two brief months, I WAS KING. I also didn't really do much cooking. I made salads, desserts, and appetizers. I usually worked 5-10 so I didn't have time to eat supper before I left and I never got breaks so I was usually starving. I made these things called antojitos, which are like wraps that are toasted. I have to cut the ends off because they're usually crispy and I put them in a bowl for the servers. When I was really hungry though, I saved all of them and put them in my little cooler and then warmed them up and ate them.
Here's a rant for another time, but every cook smokes pot and every cook is a misogynist. Kitchen staff are usually men, and I cannot count the number of times I have had to listen to sexual jokes made about me. This is what I do for money.
And that is it. I might write another insider article on the world of kitchen staff, but that will be for another time.
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