Second, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not scared of reading this book. I've read the review, and I'm really scared I might just explode from feminist rage. I don't think I'll get through the whole trilogy. I might not even get through Ghost. I actually feel fear in the pit of my stomach.
Third, the original OH JOHN RINGO NO article: http://hradzka.livejournal.com/194753.html
Okay, so here it is: Ghost.
Prologue
Thank God Ringo at least knows the difference between a prologue and a preface SMEYER.
There are some guys talking about battling the "Great Satan". Is that anything like Li'l Susie's "Old Devil"?
So there are Great Satan's and Lesser Satans. I didn't know that there was some kind of satanic hierarchy.
Already I can tell this isn't going to be as fun as Twilight. And again I'm struck with a paradox: I don't want Smeyer to write more books because she has no business writing, but yet I want her to write more because her books are so fun to mock.
"I live in submission to Allah," Halal said, nodding. "What is the mission, Great One?"
"We shall strike at the Satan's greatest weakness," the tall man said, his eyes lidding heavily. "The love of its whores."
Terrible? Or terribly awesome? I'm still on the fence.
Chapter 1
Mike is the protagonist of this trilogy. He is a former SEAL and apparently he went back to college after he lost his marriage and his career. I'm not sure how old he is, but I'm guess like thirty? And he's eyeing coeds. I feel dirty already.
Mocking books aren't as fun when they're grammatically correct.
Will some please define "Gomer" for me? Kthx.
What was funny was that some of the most leftist, ball-busting, bitches seemed to get off on his being a former team guy. There was one little brunette wearing a beret just like that fucking terrorist Che that he swore was getting ready to go down on him right in the middle of the damned argument. But he'd blown her off instead. The hell if he'd get told he was a mindless myrmidon and then fuck the little bitch.
I'm sure it's not bad enough to warrant an OH JOHN RINGO NO, but these days I'm sensitive to anti-feminism. So OH JOHN RINGO NO.
So his right forearm got over developed, his anger got hotter and hotter and there didn't seem to be any release in sight. He very much needed to kill someone. Just about anyone would do, but one of the little airhead bitches was getting even farther up the list than his professors.
I'm not sure I WANT to read a book with a psychotic protagonist. I'm sure that can turn out well and be very original, but that's not looking to be the case in Ghost. Also, I think he actually is a sociopath. I wouldn't mind it so much, but I THINK it's supposed to come off as badassery, but instead it's just frightening.
For fun, some people read books. Play sports. Watch TV/movies. Write. Mike stalks young coeds and gets off on watching them be scared. I just...I don't know. I thought these were going to be so cracked out they were awesome, but so far I'm just a little disgusted.
And he considered it to be instructional for the little idiots. It might teach them to keep some situational awareness.
Well, thanks, Mike, for helping them out. I"m sure they will value that lesson.
Mike's going back to college to teach. Well, I'm sure any school would love to have an ex-SEAL who has no doubt killed people with a penchant for whores and stalking girls probably half his age.
Mike watches as some chick gets kidnapped.
He knew that, at heart, he was a rapist. And that meant he hated rapists more than any "normal" human being. They purely pissed him off. He'd spent his entire sexually adult life fighting the urge to use his not inconsiderable strength to possess and take instead of woo and cajole. He'd fought his demons to a standstill again and again when it would have been so easy to give in. He'd had one truly screwed up bitch get completely naked, with him naked and erect between her legs, and she still couldn't say "yes." And he'd just said: "that's okay" and walked away with an amazing case of blueballs. When men gave in to that dark side, it made him even more angry than listening to leftist bitches scream about "western civilization" and how it was so fucked up.
Yes, Mike, you are a truly noble human being.
The van was an older modern custom van like Mexicans tended to drive and from inside he could hear the struggle going on and the muffled cries of the girl followed by slaps. While it made one side of him angry as hell, another side was so turned on he could barely stand it.
OH JOHN RINGO NO. Mike is so fucked up, and it is seriously ONLY THE FIRST CHAPTER. If I didn't know that Ringo actually seemed like a halfway-decent guy, I would be wondering what the fuck was up with his head. Scratch that. John Ringo, what the fuck is up with your head?
Time to go tactical again. He lifted the MP-5 to his shoulder and stepped to the side quickly.
Party time.
See, I think I could get onboard with this if it was all badassery like that. I could even handle Mike shooting things and fucking women and then leaving them. After all, that's basically what James Bond does and I have no problem with him. But then Mike soliloquizes on how he gets turned on by girls getting slapped, or how he has the urge to rape women, or how he enjoys stalking them and scaring them and I'm just like...OH JOHN RINGO NO.
Anyway, that's the end of chapter one.
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