Everytime a Nickelback Song is Played, God Kills a Llama

This is the title of a group on Facebook. I thought the description was hilarious:

I can't stand them...honestly. And people won't stop playing their crap-tastic songs. Anyone else agree? Of course you do.

Invite your friends! Seriously, click invite, and just click every box that appears. No one shall be safe from our group. Just as radio stations across the globe force Nickelback's crap on us, so too shall we force ourselves until the enemy is defeated!!! I know you're wondering, "what if only a few seconds of a Nickelback song plays before I have a chance to change the station?"

To this question, I reply: I'm close friends with God, and I asked him this very question. He answered quite simply, that he kills 2 lbs of llama for every second of Nickelback played. A full song equals one dead llama, a half a song kills either a baby llama, or a miniature llama, or an anorexic llama...or something. Or a full song could equal like 2 baby llamas... So, if you just listen to 2 seconds of a song, then God has some options. He has 4 lbs of llama to kill, how should he do it? Well, sometimes he just cuts off a leg, sometimes, he kills a llama fetus. If you just listen to a half of a second of Nickelback, then God could castrate a llama. That would efficiently kill part of that llama. If for some God-awful reason, you are strapped down and forced to listen to two nickelback songs, then you have killed either 2 normal llamas, 1 pregnant llama and an adolescent llama, 4 cute little baby llamas, 1 morbidly obese llama, etc.The list goes on, use your imagination.

Why llamas you ask?

Because llamas are the most amazing creatures on earth. You may not realize it, but they are actually the leaders of the free world. It is through their fluffy cuteness that we find life. Plus, everyone loves Llamas (except for Nickleback. They hate llamas. And baby seals. And koalas. And bunnies....the list goes on.) Llamas are amazing. And they can kill things. And they are very very very hard to lasso. And I love them. I want a llama. A miniature llama. Did you know they make those? Except, God has to kill 2 of those, rather than just 1 full sized llama. Even though they are much more adorable. All these reasons and more make Llamas the sacrifice of choice.